I haven't put up anything on this blog lately... it's actually because I've been busy writing a 'non-anonymous' (is there such a word!?) blog. Problem is, I can't give you the link here, because if I do, then this blog won't be very anonymous anymore, now would it...
For those who actually know me, the link is on my Facebook page.
It's not as easy to write the other blog. Anonymity lets me talk about anything, no matter how improper it is. On the other blog, I've got to practice 'self-censorship'... borrrrinngg... but I've got no choice. There are things about yourself that should be kept a secret...
So, now I've got two blogs to update... sigh...
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Watch out Slash!
I look good holding a guitar... at least that's what people say. But I never got around to learning how to play the guitar. It looked just too difficult... or I'm just too lazy. Depends on when you ask me why I haven't started learning.
A couple of months ago, after many months of procrastinating, I decided to go out and buy a guitar... after all, I have a lot of 'alone' time here on this island (yes, I'm still working on the same project, far far away from home).
Anyway, I was in another state a few weeks ago, visiting a friend in his hometown, and decided that it was the day I took the next step. Bought myself the cheapest acoustic guitar available, a chord book and a guitar pick. The friend I was visiting is actually the lead guitarist in the band that I'm in. So he circled a few chords in the book that I should begin with gave me some tips.
He also played the guitar I chose a bit to make sure it sounded alright. And that, ladies and gentleman was the last time music was ever produced by that instrument.
I got home, and started practicing. And I sound really bad.
I was afraid that I would quit half way. There were several reasons for this. First of all, it's really hard. Second of all, it's really painful. (This is starting to sound like a marriage!).
Somebody once told me... if you want to make sure you don't quit half way, you tell EVERYBODY what you're doing. That way, there's a little part of you that would not let you quit in order to avoid embarrassment. A lot of people are quitters... but none of them want people to know that fact.
So I started telling everybody that I was learning to play the guitar. Even promised LOML with a performance. Set dates to when I'll be able to play a song.
Now, I can't back out! Quitting is no longer an option.
After about 5 weeks, I know where some of the chords are... but I'm still slow in moving from chord to chord. If I can't move from chord to chord, then I can't play any songs... I'm just... well... playing chords...
I practice almost everyday... C... D... G... Em... Am... E... F... chord to chord... I'm pretty sure my neighbors are ready to shoot me by now.
In learning to play the guitar, I realized something about myself. Part of my persistence is due to the fact that I want to avoid shame. I've already told everybody that I'm learning to play the guitar... it's too late...
Is that what it takes for me to get of my butt? Don't I have any self motivation to better myself anymore?
I used to do new things 'just for the hell of it'. I got on stage in front of 5,000 people and sang, just for the hell of it. I joined a long distance run, just for the hell of it. I volunteered to do presentations at work, just for the hell of it.
Now it's 'to hell with it'.
My 30th year on this planet hasn't been as exciting as my previous 29. I had a bad feeling about turning 30, and it's starting to come true.
Have to stop this slide... have to start living life again... just for the hell of it.
A couple of months ago, after many months of procrastinating, I decided to go out and buy a guitar... after all, I have a lot of 'alone' time here on this island (yes, I'm still working on the same project, far far away from home).
Anyway, I was in another state a few weeks ago, visiting a friend in his hometown, and decided that it was the day I took the next step. Bought myself the cheapest acoustic guitar available, a chord book and a guitar pick. The friend I was visiting is actually the lead guitarist in the band that I'm in. So he circled a few chords in the book that I should begin with gave me some tips.
He also played the guitar I chose a bit to make sure it sounded alright. And that, ladies and gentleman was the last time music was ever produced by that instrument.
I got home, and started practicing. And I sound really bad.
I was afraid that I would quit half way. There were several reasons for this. First of all, it's really hard. Second of all, it's really painful. (This is starting to sound like a marriage!).
Somebody once told me... if you want to make sure you don't quit half way, you tell EVERYBODY what you're doing. That way, there's a little part of you that would not let you quit in order to avoid embarrassment. A lot of people are quitters... but none of them want people to know that fact.
So I started telling everybody that I was learning to play the guitar. Even promised LOML with a performance. Set dates to when I'll be able to play a song.
Now, I can't back out! Quitting is no longer an option.
After about 5 weeks, I know where some of the chords are... but I'm still slow in moving from chord to chord. If I can't move from chord to chord, then I can't play any songs... I'm just... well... playing chords...
I practice almost everyday... C... D... G... Em... Am... E... F... chord to chord... I'm pretty sure my neighbors are ready to shoot me by now.
In learning to play the guitar, I realized something about myself. Part of my persistence is due to the fact that I want to avoid shame. I've already told everybody that I'm learning to play the guitar... it's too late...
Is that what it takes for me to get of my butt? Don't I have any self motivation to better myself anymore?
I used to do new things 'just for the hell of it'. I got on stage in front of 5,000 people and sang, just for the hell of it. I joined a long distance run, just for the hell of it. I volunteered to do presentations at work, just for the hell of it.
Now it's 'to hell with it'.
My 30th year on this planet hasn't been as exciting as my previous 29. I had a bad feeling about turning 30, and it's starting to come true.
Have to stop this slide... have to start living life again... just for the hell of it.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
My Best Friend's Wedding... or lack thereof...
My friend has got to be the world record holder for receiving the most marriage proposals... first one at around 17... and they never stopped coming ever since. So a very conservative assumption now that she's 30 is that she would have already settled down. Correct?
Since when do I have 'conservative' friends?
My friend has decided to reject every single one of those proposals... reasons range from "I thought he was joking... but then he made this sad face when I starting rolling on the floor with laughter", to a more serious "He's already married and he proposed to me!?"
You would think that my lovely and popular friend doesn't want to settle down. Quite the contrary... in fact, she's eager to find her life partner. The fact that everybody around her is getting hitched doesn't help. I got an earful from her when I told her that I was proposing to LOML (I already did propose to LOML over Valentine's... I told you I was busy). She said it wasn't fair I was getting married for a second time, while she was still waiting for her first...
To make things worse, she just broke up with her boyfriend after a two year relationship... so close, but no cigar...
So why does she want to get married? And I'm not talking about 'someday'... but going on and on about it like she wants to go through it tomorrow... why does anybody want to get married...
The most common reason is that you really love someone and you want to take the next step in the relationship... you start thinking about buying a place together, naming your unborn children, planning your retirement... basically, you want to grow old with that special someone... and nothing says 'I love you' better than giving up your freedom and be tied down to the same person for the rest of your life...
Wait a minute... that didn't sound very romantic...
Anyway, there's nothing 'common' about my friend here... so let's examine a bit deeper into her psyche.
Gosh... it's messy in here...
Alright... fact : she has turned down many proposals. Why does a person who complains about not getting married yet turn down a marriage proposal?
I have this theory. My friend wants what she can't have. There was this one relationship which she was in. At first she made a big deal about why he had no plans on marrying her... after which, he realized that she was indeed the one... so he proposed. And she said no. Of course the whole story took place over a decent amount of time...
Back to my theory... she wants it at that time because she can't have it... and when she does, she runs... (which is what you should do when the question of marriage comes up... I don't sound like I'm happy to be getting married to LOML, do I?)
That's my first theory... I've got a second theory. It's actually quite simple. She hasn't found the right one yet. She has found an almost perfect guy. She loves talking to him all the time. She benchmarks every guy she goes out with to him. She's comfortable around him. Only problem is, I'm taken!! :P Plus we don't love each other 'that way'...
So, other than me, she hasn't met anybody that would be the perfect life partner. I don't think she should rush into it. Let things happen naturally. Somebody will come around and steal her from me... I mean, sweep her off her feet.
While re-reading this post, I realize that she's actually a combination of both theories. Plus, she's a bit impatient. But I know how she feels... sort of.
I was 18-19 at the time. Had just entered university. A couple of months in, my girlfriend at the time broke up with me. You see, she moved to another country after we finished high school. And after a few months, she couldn't handle a long distance relationship anymore.
So there I was, girlfriend-less. At that time, I was already close to the above mentioned friend. There was a group of us actually. We would all hang out together at night, after classes. Right after I got dumped, I noticed that everybody in the group was paired up. I was the only single one there!!!
This went on for the rest of the year!! I went out with a few girls (who am I kidding... I was a male slut... I went out with a lot of girls!), hoping that I would find somebody suitable that would fill the empty void that used to be my heart.
I did not go out with any particular girl more than twice. Couldn't find anything interesting about any of them. They all had their so called 'flaws'. As I look back now, I realize that there was nothing wrong with any of them. I was just making up excuses. I wanted something, but when I got it, I let it go.
This went on for the rest of the year!! And I bitched about being lonely the whole time. At the end of the year, I decided to give up. The following year, on the very first night I was back on campus, I met somebody, who later became my wife... the mother to my child.
Okay, it wasn't that simple. I did psych myself up before I got to campus that I would be more open and accepting with the next girl I meet. In short, I stop wanting what I couldn't have, took what I could have and found the right one... all in one night.
I have a feeling that there are gaps in my story... but it's 2:30am so you, my beloved readers, will have to excuse me for it...
Since when do I have 'conservative' friends?
My friend has decided to reject every single one of those proposals... reasons range from "I thought he was joking... but then he made this sad face when I starting rolling on the floor with laughter", to a more serious "He's already married and he proposed to me!?"
You would think that my lovely and popular friend doesn't want to settle down. Quite the contrary... in fact, she's eager to find her life partner. The fact that everybody around her is getting hitched doesn't help. I got an earful from her when I told her that I was proposing to LOML (I already did propose to LOML over Valentine's... I told you I was busy). She said it wasn't fair I was getting married for a second time, while she was still waiting for her first...
To make things worse, she just broke up with her boyfriend after a two year relationship... so close, but no cigar...
So why does she want to get married? And I'm not talking about 'someday'... but going on and on about it like she wants to go through it tomorrow... why does anybody want to get married...
The most common reason is that you really love someone and you want to take the next step in the relationship... you start thinking about buying a place together, naming your unborn children, planning your retirement... basically, you want to grow old with that special someone... and nothing says 'I love you' better than giving up your freedom and be tied down to the same person for the rest of your life...
Wait a minute... that didn't sound very romantic...
Anyway, there's nothing 'common' about my friend here... so let's examine a bit deeper into her psyche.
Gosh... it's messy in here...
Alright... fact : she has turned down many proposals. Why does a person who complains about not getting married yet turn down a marriage proposal?
I have this theory. My friend wants what she can't have. There was this one relationship which she was in. At first she made a big deal about why he had no plans on marrying her... after which, he realized that she was indeed the one... so he proposed. And she said no. Of course the whole story took place over a decent amount of time...
Back to my theory... she wants it at that time because she can't have it... and when she does, she runs... (which is what you should do when the question of marriage comes up... I don't sound like I'm happy to be getting married to LOML, do I?)
That's my first theory... I've got a second theory. It's actually quite simple. She hasn't found the right one yet. She has found an almost perfect guy. She loves talking to him all the time. She benchmarks every guy she goes out with to him. She's comfortable around him. Only problem is, I'm taken!! :P Plus we don't love each other 'that way'...
So, other than me, she hasn't met anybody that would be the perfect life partner. I don't think she should rush into it. Let things happen naturally. Somebody will come around and steal her from me... I mean, sweep her off her feet.
While re-reading this post, I realize that she's actually a combination of both theories. Plus, she's a bit impatient. But I know how she feels... sort of.
I was 18-19 at the time. Had just entered university. A couple of months in, my girlfriend at the time broke up with me. You see, she moved to another country after we finished high school. And after a few months, she couldn't handle a long distance relationship anymore.
So there I was, girlfriend-less. At that time, I was already close to the above mentioned friend. There was a group of us actually. We would all hang out together at night, after classes. Right after I got dumped, I noticed that everybody in the group was paired up. I was the only single one there!!!
This went on for the rest of the year!! I went out with a few girls (who am I kidding... I was a male slut... I went out with a lot of girls!), hoping that I would find somebody suitable that would fill the empty void that used to be my heart.
I did not go out with any particular girl more than twice. Couldn't find anything interesting about any of them. They all had their so called 'flaws'. As I look back now, I realize that there was nothing wrong with any of them. I was just making up excuses. I wanted something, but when I got it, I let it go.
This went on for the rest of the year!! And I bitched about being lonely the whole time. At the end of the year, I decided to give up. The following year, on the very first night I was back on campus, I met somebody, who later became my wife... the mother to my child.
Okay, it wasn't that simple. I did psych myself up before I got to campus that I would be more open and accepting with the next girl I meet. In short, I stop wanting what I couldn't have, took what I could have and found the right one... all in one night.
I have a feeling that there are gaps in my story... but it's 2:30am so you, my beloved readers, will have to excuse me for it...
I know... I've been lazy....
The last post was in August of last year... I've been really busy these past few months... I really wanted to do what I love, which is to write... but instead, I did the other thing I love to do... which is procrastinate...
Let's see how long I can keep this going...
Let's see how long I can keep this going...
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Look Mom, I'm a Rock Star!
Guess where I was just now?
No, I was not at my mom's place... I was in a jamming studio! I am the front man for a band made up of a bunch of my friends here... we don't have a name yet because there are other concerns...
First of all, the incredibly good looking and talented front man hasn't been in a studio since 1998. Secondly, the drummer hasn't played in ten years... third, well, we suck! Or to put it in a nicer way, we haven't found our sound yet.
The drummer suggested that we find a replacement for him, cause he was really bad... We told him that it wasn't about being so good that we could cut an album... it's about a bunch of friends chilling out together and having fun.
Well, even though we sucked throughout the whole our time in the studio, we still had fun... and we're gonna go again next week... it's a great way to relieve stress... and trust me, I'm really stressed out...
To tell you the truth, I've always wanted to be in a band... I love to sing... I have been told that I have a great voice... only problem is I don't know how to use it... at least that was what a vocal coach once told me... having given that comment, he refused to coach me... according to him, he only coaches women... err... okay...
It has been said that those who go into the performing arts have an exterior locus of self identity... well, that's kinda true about me... people's opinion of how good I am matters a lot to me... it's not enough for me to know that I've done a good job...
Weird thing is, when I purposely do something bad, I couldn't care less what people think... hmmm... maybe I also enjoy being the 'bad boy'... but as always, that's a different story...
Come to think of it, I have never given up the opportunity to be in the spotlight... whether it's to do a presentation at work, teaching in front of a class, or getting up on stage... there's something very fulfilling about having 5000 people clap and cheer for you (been there, done that!)
I wasn't always this way... I used to be extremely shy... in fact you can see the remnants of that character in me until now... whenever I'm with a new group of people, I am always very quite... I am definitely not the life of the party (unless of course the party is full of people I already know)... I spend the whole time observing everybody's character... I won't speak unless spoken to...
It all changed in the 9th grade... I had to pick my courses for the year, and for some weird reason, one of the classes I took was Drama. So there I was in the studio, with a script in my hand... and I had to act it out! OMG!! I was still very shy, but I guess because I didn't want everybody to say I can't act, I got on stage and well, acted... I was pretty good at it... but that's when everything changed...
I was no longer the quiet one in the class... I asked questions, I participated in discussions, and most importantly, I couldn't get enough of the stage...
Not being shy anymore has really helped me achieve the current level of success that I have now in my life and career... I stand out more in a classroom, a boardroom, and in the bedroom! (Your partner can't read your mind... if you want to try the position on page 23 of the Kama Sutra, you have to tell them... don't be shy!)
In my working life, I often come across shy colleagues who make a huge impact to the company, but nobody knows because they don't say a thing... Sometimes they have great ideas, but won't tell anybody about it... during meetings, the boss will ask everybody if they have anything to add... they'll obviously say no, even though they've got ideas that would make a gazilion dollars in profit for the company... In the end, they finish the rat race in last place...
I feel sorry for them... I knew how it felt to be 'stuck' inside your shell... but seriously, they have to make the first move to change... I'm not saying they should all go out and start a band, but saying "Yes, I have an idea" would be good.
No, I was not at my mom's place... I was in a jamming studio! I am the front man for a band made up of a bunch of my friends here... we don't have a name yet because there are other concerns...
First of all, the incredibly good looking and talented front man hasn't been in a studio since 1998. Secondly, the drummer hasn't played in ten years... third, well, we suck! Or to put it in a nicer way, we haven't found our sound yet.
The drummer suggested that we find a replacement for him, cause he was really bad... We told him that it wasn't about being so good that we could cut an album... it's about a bunch of friends chilling out together and having fun.
Well, even though we sucked throughout the whole our time in the studio, we still had fun... and we're gonna go again next week... it's a great way to relieve stress... and trust me, I'm really stressed out...
To tell you the truth, I've always wanted to be in a band... I love to sing... I have been told that I have a great voice... only problem is I don't know how to use it... at least that was what a vocal coach once told me... having given that comment, he refused to coach me... according to him, he only coaches women... err... okay...
It has been said that those who go into the performing arts have an exterior locus of self identity... well, that's kinda true about me... people's opinion of how good I am matters a lot to me... it's not enough for me to know that I've done a good job...
Weird thing is, when I purposely do something bad, I couldn't care less what people think... hmmm... maybe I also enjoy being the 'bad boy'... but as always, that's a different story...
Come to think of it, I have never given up the opportunity to be in the spotlight... whether it's to do a presentation at work, teaching in front of a class, or getting up on stage... there's something very fulfilling about having 5000 people clap and cheer for you (been there, done that!)
I wasn't always this way... I used to be extremely shy... in fact you can see the remnants of that character in me until now... whenever I'm with a new group of people, I am always very quite... I am definitely not the life of the party (unless of course the party is full of people I already know)... I spend the whole time observing everybody's character... I won't speak unless spoken to...
It all changed in the 9th grade... I had to pick my courses for the year, and for some weird reason, one of the classes I took was Drama. So there I was in the studio, with a script in my hand... and I had to act it out! OMG!! I was still very shy, but I guess because I didn't want everybody to say I can't act, I got on stage and well, acted... I was pretty good at it... but that's when everything changed...
I was no longer the quiet one in the class... I asked questions, I participated in discussions, and most importantly, I couldn't get enough of the stage...
Not being shy anymore has really helped me achieve the current level of success that I have now in my life and career... I stand out more in a classroom, a boardroom, and in the bedroom! (Your partner can't read your mind... if you want to try the position on page 23 of the Kama Sutra, you have to tell them... don't be shy!)
In my working life, I often come across shy colleagues who make a huge impact to the company, but nobody knows because they don't say a thing... Sometimes they have great ideas, but won't tell anybody about it... during meetings, the boss will ask everybody if they have anything to add... they'll obviously say no, even though they've got ideas that would make a gazilion dollars in profit for the company... In the end, they finish the rat race in last place...
I feel sorry for them... I knew how it felt to be 'stuck' inside your shell... but seriously, they have to make the first move to change... I'm not saying they should all go out and start a band, but saying "Yes, I have an idea" would be good.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Self Motivation
Yesterday night I slept at 4:30am... how I wish it was because I was out partying. Unfortunately, I have a hard time going to sleep. I actually have some herbal medication (we don't want to pollute our bodies with pharmaceuticals, do we?) that I take when I have problems sleeping. Unfortunately, I left it at home... when I say home, I mean my real one... not this temporary 'place' that I'm staying at now.
I have problems sleeping for a variety of reasons... most common is if I have something on my mind... last night, it was the fight I had with LOML (surprise, surprise)...
So there I was, tossing and turning... full of hate... self pity... and whatever else came to mind... I thought to myself, 'I'm gonna be really tired tomorrow... I'm going to be angry... I'm not going to work...' By not going to work, I mean that I'll work from home, so I can just lie in bed with the laptop and pretend to be interested in the work flashing before my eyes...
When the alarm went off this morning, I tried to go back to sleep... thinking that there's no point in waking up since I'm in no mood to drag my ass to the office... but something weird happened... I couldn't go back to sleep...
Instead of the lazy voice inside my head saying 'the hell with it... just go back to sleep and continue that dream you were having of LOML and your muse' (no, it was not a kinky dream), there was another upbeat voice in my head...
In fact, from the way the voice, I imagined there was a guy in my head in workout clothes jumping up and down, telling me to wake up.
The voice told me "don't think you'll feel better if you just mope around the house... you'll feel even worse"... the guy in my head went on and on until I finally opened my eyes... and I felt different...
I wasn't going to mope around the house today... I was going to go out and enjoy life... I have things to do... people to meet... meals to eat... cigarettes to smoke... jokes to laugh at... girls to flirt with...
And at that very same moment, I thought of my relationship with LOML... of how things have really been crappy lately because I have been caught up with the bad things she's been doing to me... of how I no longer enjoyed the good things she does, even though they are right there in front of me...
I had become a bitter person in the relationship... hoping for her to change instead of enjoying the love she has also given me...
Yes, she does really bad things to me... if you've read this blog from the beginning, you would know how much of a bitch she is... but I could have enjoyed my life with her and just slowly point out the bad things...
It was my Archimedes "eureka" moment... my Homer Simpson "d'oh" moment... my Pitbull "I know you want me... you know I want cha" moment...
I knew what I wanted now... and I had to thank that voice inside my head for it... I wonder if he does motivational talks... I could make a killing...
The voice didn't stop there... because only two minutes had passed and although my eyes were open, I was still holding on to my pillow and wouldn't let go...
You see there were other things bugging me... I had a tonne of work at the office... and the deadline was coming faster than a virgin on his wedding night (sorry, couldn't think of a better analogy... and yes, I know that's not how you spell it).
So the voice (let's give him a name... Mr. Voice... H Prime... err...I like the first one. I hope Rick Dees doesn't mind)... anyway, Mr. Voice starts spewing out motivational quotes... the first being "No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up" - Regina Brett.
So off I went into the shower... Mr. Voice continues to talk while I'm in the shower (which starts to freak me out now because I suddenly feel like there's a guy watching me taking a shower)... he says "Live each day as if it was on purpose"... now I can't remember who said it... it was either Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs or Donald Trump. My memory isn't what it used to be.
So yes, I was ready to take on the challenge of today because I was expecting it... Monday didn't creep up on me... I was waiting for it, ready to give it my best, and then some...
So I left the house with a plan on what I wanted (not had to) do... Mr. Voice had empowered me to take my life into my own hands...
I started by talking to LOML... I told her what I wanted to do... that she was an insensitive jerk but I'm going to take the good parts and we'll work on her 'jerkness'... I asked if she wanted to be part of it... of course she said yes... I was talking like Mr. Voice... who wouldn't be motivated...
Then came the work... I got reorganized and settled quite a lot today... I still have a tonne to do after this, but at least I can see the progress.
Throughout the day, I made sure I had the whole work life balance... chatted online with LOML, my muse, a few friends (even motivated one of my friends... she's slightly suicidal, but that's a different story)... I had a few puffs with my smoking buddies, talking about the band we're gonna form (again, a different story)... went out to lunch with another friend, and helped him change a flat tire (ok, I noticed the flat tire, and the was a service center just a couple of minutes away... so we just drove there... just to get the record straight, I was ready to change the tire ourselves... but my friend wasn't as motivated as I was)...
Where was I? Oh yeah... so I finished my day with a sense of accomplishment... and not a false sense either... and because I was in a better mood today, I was able to string together the ideas for this post together in my head... my mind is a well oiled machine again...
So what can you, my dear readers, gain from this blog post... let's summarize it, shall we...
Mr. Voice is me (no shit, Sherlock!)... it's the 'me' that's dying to get out... It's the 'me' that has listened to many motivational speakers or read their work... He's been wanting that change for so long...
All of us, at one time or another, has been motivated by somebody else... but that lasts until when you face your first obstacle... the reason is very simple... you're holding yourself back... you are the one that would not let yourself achieve your goals/happiness. You then blame it on your environment, such as your boss, partner, government, genetics, even lady luck...
The first step is to motivate yourself... you can pay 1000 dollars for a motivational seminar, but if you're not gonna motivate yourself, might as well go on a shopping spree with that money...
It may sound easy... after all, Mr. Voice woke me up... but it's really not... I sometimes struggle and push myself out the door... I have to re-motivate myself at least 2-3 times a week to go to the gym... 5 times a week to go to work... 14 times a week to call LOML and be nice... heck, 3 times a day to eat (I really don't like to eat, but that my friends is, let's say it together, 'a different story')...
If it's so difficult, then how does any of us have a chance? Well, just imagine our goals... set our targets... and do it... you won't know until you've tried...
I have problems sleeping for a variety of reasons... most common is if I have something on my mind... last night, it was the fight I had with LOML (surprise, surprise)...
So there I was, tossing and turning... full of hate... self pity... and whatever else came to mind... I thought to myself, 'I'm gonna be really tired tomorrow... I'm going to be angry... I'm not going to work...' By not going to work, I mean that I'll work from home, so I can just lie in bed with the laptop and pretend to be interested in the work flashing before my eyes...
When the alarm went off this morning, I tried to go back to sleep... thinking that there's no point in waking up since I'm in no mood to drag my ass to the office... but something weird happened... I couldn't go back to sleep...
Instead of the lazy voice inside my head saying 'the hell with it... just go back to sleep and continue that dream you were having of LOML and your muse' (no, it was not a kinky dream), there was another upbeat voice in my head...
In fact, from the way the voice, I imagined there was a guy in my head in workout clothes jumping up and down, telling me to wake up.
The voice told me "don't think you'll feel better if you just mope around the house... you'll feel even worse"... the guy in my head went on and on until I finally opened my eyes... and I felt different...
I wasn't going to mope around the house today... I was going to go out and enjoy life... I have things to do... people to meet... meals to eat... cigarettes to smoke... jokes to laugh at... girls to flirt with...
And at that very same moment, I thought of my relationship with LOML... of how things have really been crappy lately because I have been caught up with the bad things she's been doing to me... of how I no longer enjoyed the good things she does, even though they are right there in front of me...
I had become a bitter person in the relationship... hoping for her to change instead of enjoying the love she has also given me...
Yes, she does really bad things to me... if you've read this blog from the beginning, you would know how much of a bitch she is... but I could have enjoyed my life with her and just slowly point out the bad things...
It was my Archimedes "eureka" moment... my Homer Simpson "d'oh" moment... my Pitbull "I know you want me... you know I want cha" moment...
I knew what I wanted now... and I had to thank that voice inside my head for it... I wonder if he does motivational talks... I could make a killing...
The voice didn't stop there... because only two minutes had passed and although my eyes were open, I was still holding on to my pillow and wouldn't let go...
You see there were other things bugging me... I had a tonne of work at the office... and the deadline was coming faster than a virgin on his wedding night (sorry, couldn't think of a better analogy... and yes, I know that's not how you spell it).
So the voice (let's give him a name... Mr. Voice... H Prime... err...I like the first one. I hope Rick Dees doesn't mind)... anyway, Mr. Voice starts spewing out motivational quotes... the first being "No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up" - Regina Brett.
So off I went into the shower... Mr. Voice continues to talk while I'm in the shower (which starts to freak me out now because I suddenly feel like there's a guy watching me taking a shower)... he says "Live each day as if it was on purpose"... now I can't remember who said it... it was either Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs or Donald Trump. My memory isn't what it used to be.
So yes, I was ready to take on the challenge of today because I was expecting it... Monday didn't creep up on me... I was waiting for it, ready to give it my best, and then some...
So I left the house with a plan on what I wanted (not had to) do... Mr. Voice had empowered me to take my life into my own hands...
I started by talking to LOML... I told her what I wanted to do... that she was an insensitive jerk but I'm going to take the good parts and we'll work on her 'jerkness'... I asked if she wanted to be part of it... of course she said yes... I was talking like Mr. Voice... who wouldn't be motivated...
Then came the work... I got reorganized and settled quite a lot today... I still have a tonne to do after this, but at least I can see the progress.
Throughout the day, I made sure I had the whole work life balance... chatted online with LOML, my muse, a few friends (even motivated one of my friends... she's slightly suicidal, but that's a different story)... I had a few puffs with my smoking buddies, talking about the band we're gonna form (again, a different story)... went out to lunch with another friend, and helped him change a flat tire (ok, I noticed the flat tire, and the was a service center just a couple of minutes away... so we just drove there... just to get the record straight, I was ready to change the tire ourselves... but my friend wasn't as motivated as I was)...
Where was I? Oh yeah... so I finished my day with a sense of accomplishment... and not a false sense either... and because I was in a better mood today, I was able to string together the ideas for this post together in my head... my mind is a well oiled machine again...
So what can you, my dear readers, gain from this blog post... let's summarize it, shall we...
Mr. Voice is me (no shit, Sherlock!)... it's the 'me' that's dying to get out... It's the 'me' that has listened to many motivational speakers or read their work... He's been wanting that change for so long...
All of us, at one time or another, has been motivated by somebody else... but that lasts until when you face your first obstacle... the reason is very simple... you're holding yourself back... you are the one that would not let yourself achieve your goals/happiness. You then blame it on your environment, such as your boss, partner, government, genetics, even lady luck...
The first step is to motivate yourself... you can pay 1000 dollars for a motivational seminar, but if you're not gonna motivate yourself, might as well go on a shopping spree with that money...
It may sound easy... after all, Mr. Voice woke me up... but it's really not... I sometimes struggle and push myself out the door... I have to re-motivate myself at least 2-3 times a week to go to the gym... 5 times a week to go to work... 14 times a week to call LOML and be nice... heck, 3 times a day to eat (I really don't like to eat, but that my friends is, let's say it together, 'a different story')...
If it's so difficult, then how does any of us have a chance? Well, just imagine our goals... set our targets... and do it... you won't know until you've tried...
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Painkillers
Most of us are 'blessed' with a partner who has the emotional support capability of a gnat... they are never around when we need them, they claim to be the busiest person on earth, they answer 'huh... oh, yeah... i love... hmmm?... you too...' and 'yeah, yeah... i miss u too...'
This causes emotional pain for some of us who are very sensitive... so we go out and get some painkillers... it could be in the form of a friend, alcohol (not recommended... booze and loneliness does not mix well)... or in some cases, a 'replacement'... which is our topic for today...
You see, these painkillers are easy to maintain. You don't need a relationship with them... you just want them to fill the gaps in your current relationship. You could be just friends but you can 'pretend' they are something else in your mind...
An example would be like this... something interesting happened to you... you can't wait to share it with your partner... you call your partner up and they say they are too busy to talk/listen to you... when all you needed was 2 minutes of their undivided attention... this obviously will cause you some 'pain'... so immediately call your 'painkiller'... to them, it's just a friend calling so they will actually listen (why is that?)... so you tell your painkiller your two minute story... and end the conversation feeling much better...
It's sort of a surrogate partner...
But just as real painkillers, they have to be taken in moderation... you don't want to be addicted to your painkiller... that would lead to cheating... and you don't want to do that, do you? Right?
Of course you could always use the excuse that your partner pushed you into cheating on him/her, but that's really not nice...
What am I teaching you guys?
This causes emotional pain for some of us who are very sensitive... so we go out and get some painkillers... it could be in the form of a friend, alcohol (not recommended... booze and loneliness does not mix well)... or in some cases, a 'replacement'... which is our topic for today...
You see, these painkillers are easy to maintain. You don't need a relationship with them... you just want them to fill the gaps in your current relationship. You could be just friends but you can 'pretend' they are something else in your mind...
An example would be like this... something interesting happened to you... you can't wait to share it with your partner... you call your partner up and they say they are too busy to talk/listen to you... when all you needed was 2 minutes of their undivided attention... this obviously will cause you some 'pain'... so immediately call your 'painkiller'... to them, it's just a friend calling so they will actually listen (why is that?)... so you tell your painkiller your two minute story... and end the conversation feeling much better...
It's sort of a surrogate partner...
But just as real painkillers, they have to be taken in moderation... you don't want to be addicted to your painkiller... that would lead to cheating... and you don't want to do that, do you? Right?
Of course you could always use the excuse that your partner pushed you into cheating on him/her, but that's really not nice...
What am I teaching you guys?
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