Chronic Depression

I've been told that humans are naturally depressed. So I shouldn't think that I'm any different. I should just stop using depression as an excuse and just live life.

Those who see me daily think I'm a very cheerful person. I'm the guy who just can't stop talking in the office. I'm the guy who makes jokes. I'm the guy who brings life to a dull and boring office. I'm the guy who's always happy. Up to a certain extent, I am... when I'm with people.

You see, when I'm with people, I tend to forget my own little problems in my personal life. I'm more focused on either work, or lunch, or the cute girl who just started work! :)

But when I'm alone, then my mind just doesn't give me a break. It's worst at night. I have problems falling asleep.

So what do I think about? Everything that depresses me...

1. LOML... I'm happpy with her but she depresses me.
2. My Son... don't get to spend enough time with him
3. My Job... it's still the calm before the storm, kind of boring
4. My friends... or lack of it. Have friends, but don't get to see them much
5. My financial situation... I shop to fight depression - what do you think!?
6. The price of oil... yes, that keeps me awake
7. The government... how did they ever win the election?
8. This blog... wouldn't it be nice if more people read it! :D
9. My family... i don't spend enough time with them. Don't get along with my dad.
10. My health... i've lost a bit of weight lately... not eating properly...
11. The economy... doesn't this make everybody depressed...

Well, that's all I can think of right at this moment. The rest will come to me when I'm really alone...

This can't be good for me... there was a point in my life that I was so depressed that I thought I had a fever every single day... so every single day I took over the counter fever meds... it was a couple of months before I realised that I was actually addicted to the meds... at least i realised it...

Now the only thing I rely on is good 'ol nick-o-tine... I can't drink when I'm depressed.

I don't actually need any 'medication'. Only human contact. I love to talk. I think that's why I actually agreed with the idea to start this blog. It's a way for me to 'speak' to people. It's been pretty much one way, so hasn't had the total desired effect. Maybe later when more people read it, and leave comments, it would be more 'therapeutic'...

It's amazing, just writing this post makes me depressed. I've been staring at it for over an hour. Usually takes me less than ten minutes.

My life isn't that bad. I'm pretty sure that there's at least a million guys out there in the world who would kill to have my life.

I guess we're never satisfied with what we have. We say that's it's not enough. To me, I put it down as depression. Some people put it as 'not getting what they actually deserve'.

Maybe I should be thankful for all that I have. Maybe that will make me less depressed.