Illogical Logic

LOML has this extremely strange sense of logic. To her, because she loves me, and to help me forget her and move on in my life, she has to hurt me.

Did that sentence make any sense? I can’t even reword that sentence because I can’t find the logic in that. I hurt you because I love you. She should really write a book about that, because she would need at least 250 pages to explain how that would be the best course of action.

If you can read between the lines, you would have figured out that we are still in the ‘break up’ stage. I am trying my best not to get offended or hurt by anything that she says or does to me. I keep telling myself it’s just her illogical logic that’s running the show. So I should wait. Ignore what’s going on, and just give her time to think things through.

But there’s a problem with this course of action. You see, after giving her enough time to think things through, LOML will realize that we belong together and she wants to get back together, at which time I will respond with ‘ok, baby’. But there’s a catch. She still believes that her illogical logic is logical! Say that 10 times real fast!!!

She feels absolutely no remorse for what she has done to me. All the mean things that she has said to me… all the untrue things that she has accused me of… all of it is ‘OK’. To top it all of, she ‘gives ME another chance’!!! Hmm… anybody else thinks I’m being screwed in this?

All this while, when this happens, I’ve always accepted it. I guess because I’m willing to do anything for this relationship, that I turn the other cheek. But it’s getting harder and harder to let her do this to me. I guess everybody has a breaking point. I’m very close to mine.

I don’t want to be mean to her. I don’t want to tell her that I’m no longer able to take the crap she dishes out anymore. I should be able to, right? After all, I’m in love with her. I should accept it as ‘the way she is’. Wouldn’t I be just like any jerk if I can’t even accept the one I love for what she is?

I’ve always wanted to be the best thing in her life. I’ve always wanted her to feel like she has everything because she has me. I want her to feel wanted, to feel cared for, and to feel loved.

I guess that’s why I take this crap for her. If I was to tell her I can’t take it anymore, then it will go against everything I want for her.

I have friends that say she doesn’t deserve to be loved and cared for like that. She doesn’t appreciate what she has. I should just cut my losses and leave.

Right now, I’m leaning that way. I’ve leaned that way several times, but I have always decided to get back with her in the end. It’s gotten to a point that when I tell my friend CF that I have had enough, he laughs and says “yeah right!”

I guess my love for her is way more than the way she makes me feel with her illogical logic.