Why I Try

On about the 15th June 2005, I tried to start a journal. I was already trying to catch up on a few entries that I didn’t have a time to write. I was supposed to start the journal on the 11th of June. You see, that was when my son was born.

I wanted a record of every single day of his life. I wanted to give it to him on the day that he starts his own family. I think I got about a week’s worth of entries. Then I stopped. Not because I didn’t know what to write. There were a million things to tell him. It was the fact that parenthood is tough!!

There were so many things to do. And when he finally slept, either I was too tired to do anything, or I just wanted to watch him sleep.

It’s been over three years now. He’s a cute and smart toddler... no longer a baby. He asks so many questions. His sense of logic is amazing.

I personally don’t like kids. I find them annoying. Maybe because my parents, especially my dad was very strict. You just do not misbehave. And now, I just can’t stand seeing a kid who is misbehaving. Oddly enough, I just adore my son. I love him with all my heart. It’s not because he behaves. He does most of the time, but he can be quite stubborn.

He totally loves me. You could tell. I’m very strict with him but at the same time I really pamper him. Basically, he gets ALMOST everything. Great thing is the one thing he wants more than any toy in the world is my attention. And I give him as much as possible. I love giving him the attention.

Sadly, his mom and I aren’t as chummy. We are separated. So I only see my son for a day or two each week. I think it’s for best because the fighting wasn’t good for him. We fight a lot less when we are apart. So my son can have his moment with two ‘happy’ parents.

One thing about having a child is that you try to be the best that you can. You don’t settle for just a normal job, you want a career. It gives you the opportunity to provide even more for you child. You don’t want to do stupid things, because you want to your child to have a great role model. You don’t want to continue fighting with your spouse because you want your child to have a happy home.

I haven’t been the greatest father in the world. I try my best and hope he can forgive me for my shortcomings.

Kids grow up so fast. It feels like only last week he was just lying there, smiling at me. Now he’s telling me stories and asking millions of question, with lots of hugs and kisses in between. The kissing will stop soon. Not many boys will continue to kiss their dad. I don’t even remember when I last kissed mine.

I love my son. He is my world. He is the reason I try.