Small Matter... Big Deal

Have you ever got into a fight with someone over such a small matter? They made such a big deal over such an insignificant thing when compared to the other problems we face in life. You feel like just smacking them and tell them that they are being silly.

Of course this has happened before... for some people, it happens a lot...

Now, have you ever been pissed off at someone and that person just dismisses it as a small matter and you should just forget about it? You try and explain to the person that IT IS FUCKING IMPORTANT!! It's important to you! You can't sleep at night because of it! But the person just shrugs and says "So!? Chill Out!!"

Of course this has also happened before...

Could it be that the person you're with is always wrong, and doesn't know how to prioritise issues in their life?

Remember there is always three sides to a story of an event. Mine, Yours and THE TRUTH! We only see our perspective of it.

When we face a small matter that seems to be a big deal to the other person, we should at least try to step back and try looking at it through their eyes.

I know what you're thinking... "I've tried, and I am confident that he/she is overeacting".

How long did you take to come to that conclussion? A whole five seconds?

Let's try this. Take your time with every situation. When at first you don't understand, raise your hand and ask questions. Ask for more details. Dig for underlying reasons. And once you finally understand the problem, then comment.

If after two hours of analysis, you still come to the same conclussion, then just go with it. If it's not important to you, but is important to the other person, then what have you got to lose by going with the flow? He/She is happy because you were understanding of their feelings... and you, well, you couldn't give a rat's ass what the outcome was, because it wasn't important.

Easier said than done. You need a very understanding partner. It's very difficult to get them to agree to be more open minded to every situation. So lead by example. Everytime they need you to understand how big something small is, take the time. Be understanding. Be the bigger man/woman.

After a while, that person should emulate the same behaviour. And it will make it easier to get through life's little/big problems.

Of course, after years of 'training', the other person still doesn't get, then just accept the fact that you chose a dumb fuck to be your 'loved one'! But you love 'em, and should just accept him/her for what they are.

Trust

Trust is always earned... and it's increadibly easy to lose. Once you've lost it, it's very hard to get back.

I on the other hand trust people right off the bat. They didn't have to earn it. I always assume the best in people. But once that trust is broken, then it will be damn near impossible for me to ever trust that person again.

And it doesn't have to be a very large lie... it could be the smallest things, but once that precedent has been set, I start to doubt everything which comes out of that person's mouth.

Kind of harsh.

Now you have to be clear on the difference between trust issues and jealousy.

Jealousy is when you hear questions like "Who is she... why did she sign the card with a heart... why did you take a picture with her"... which is then replied with "she works in the same office... I've been telling you about her from day one... I don't know why she put the heart on the card... they were taking pictures and she happened to be beside me... here's a few pictures of me with othe people..." It's then followed by... "I LOVE YOU... MUAH MUAH MUAH"... and things are ok after that...

Trust issues would sound like this...

Woman : Why did she say that to you?
Man : I don't know. Maybe she's being nice. This is the first time I've ever talked to her. And she did all the talking... All I said was 'OK'. I never thought of it in any other way... that's why I told you about it.
Woman : Cut the crap. There must be something going on between you two!
Man : Huh!?
Woman : You're lying!!
Man : Huh!?
Woman : You cheating bastard!!
Man : Huh!?
Woman : Give me your phone, your email and IM passwords, and the keys to you car and house!! I'm going to find out what you've been doing behind my back with her!!!
Man : Huh!?

There usually is an underlying reason why people have trust issues... past relationships, you were caught lying, blah blah blah... but you have to talk about it... you have to let your guard down and tell "THE TRUTH"... because no matter how honest you think you are, you will never tell your loved one the whole truth about how you feel, and what hurts you.

It's difficult... I know... I'm trying to do it... but the more you tell that person what's bugging you, the better you feel... and the more you realise that there's no major problem there... and you start thinking "why am I so stupid that I start this fight"... when that revelation has entered you mind, then things are going to get better...

But you have to start that talk/argument... if you were going to say to yourself "it's just stupid... forget about it", then it will haunt you! So just get it out... look stupid. Doesn't matter... you're being stupid in front of somebody who loves you. They might want to tear your head off, but they'll understand.

Then, you have to keep an open mind while your loved one looks stupid and tells you the real reasons they don't trust you...

Difficult eh... you can do it, but how do you get the other person to participate...?

If I knew all the answers, I would be totally happy and not be writing this blog, now would I! ;)

Birthdays

Today is my birthday... I feel so old!! I've never actually liked birthdays... I feel like another year has gone by and I have nothing to show for it. Like I've wasted 365 days. I get like this on my birthday and also new year.

I'm 29 years old... that's young, right? The company I work for sent a birthday email this morning. There was a quote... 'Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter'... but I mind!!

I used to be able to pass for much younger... in fact, earlier this year, I went to a club and they actually asked for my ID!! Now, just a few months later, when I ask people to guess my age, they guess correctly!! In a few months, I can bet people will say I look 35!

Why does this matter to me? I've always believed that you look younger when you are happy... by looking my age, I'm neither happy nor sad... by looking older, I am sad... does this make sense?

I'm extra upset this year because it's the last year of my 20's... and I'm still trying to get used to the fact that I'm no longger a teenager...

I've started to show signs that I'm getting old... whenever I hang out with my friends, all we do is talk about the 'good old days'... college... high school...

Oh well... Happy Birthday to ME!!

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

I think I have a slight case of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I'm not sure, and I really don't want to know the truth. Let's just accept it as a 'very mild case'.

Some of the things I do seem very funny to the onlooker. For example, I HAVE to fold the burger wrapper at McDonanld's after I've finished the burger. I just can't crumple it up. It feels so wrong. I've had friends actually whisper 'look at him... he's going to fold it...' and then burst out laughing when I do!

Another 'funny' thing I do is whenever my significant other makes a kissing sound over the phone (muah)... i have to reply with the same sound THREE times! (ie muah muah muah)... I can't help it. It would drive me nuts if I didn't.

I've got a million other things that I do that others would find funny and pointless. But to me they are as important as breathing. I sometimes lose sleep because of those things.

For the first time, I've decided to read a bit about OCD.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive-compulsive_disorder

It's amazing how the article describes me. There are things that go through my mind that are so embarrassing that I can't even talk about it in my 'anonymous' blog.

I don't want to go to a psychiatrist. I don't need to pay somebody to tell me that I'm 'nuts'... I already know that! ;)

I have this thing about taking psychiatric drugs. I've taken stuff that's supposed to 'calm me down'. Instead, they make me incredibly depressed.

So I just continue my life with this 'condition' and provide entertainment for all my friends. Hopefully one day they realize the anxiety that I go through when they deny me my little quirks.

LOML for example doesn't understand no matter how I try to explain it to her. She just thinks it's not important, and I shouldn't take it seriously... what a surprise, eh?

Change to accomodate?

This morning on my way to work, the morning show on radio was discussing how women change in order to accomodate the men in their life. Callers (women of course) were saying that they will change for the better. Only men change for the worse once they get into a relationship.

BULLSHIT!!!

You see, women have been brainwashed by women's magazines that have articles like "Ten ways your man isn't treating you right" or "Does he deserve a great gal like you?"... They think they are perfect.

It's always a man's fault in anything. When a man blames a woman for anything, then he's being abusive. He's not being understanding... blah blah blah... why isn't it ever quite simply a woman's fault?

You know when most women will be 'accomodating' in a relationship? When the guy treats her like crap. That's why you see many women who are verbally, emotionally and physically abused, but yet stay in the relationships for totally wrong reasons.

These women need to be liberated!

But then, these same women will suddenly become the 'guy' when they get into a relationship with the nice guy. Now the guy will be verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abused... and it will be the guys fault!!!

Bottom line, BOTH men and women are animals in the core. We will dominate when possible. And we may abuse that power that we have achieved.

We have to step back and analyse the relationship. Don't look at what the other person is doing wrong only. Look at yourself. What have you been doing that would qualify you as an asshole? How would you feel if you were treated that way... in fact how did you feel when you WERE treated that way in previous relationships.

Don't be a hypocrite... the world would be a better place if we all not only talked the talk, but also walked the walk...

Long Business Trips

They should really put a cap on how long you should be on a business trip. I'm already losing my mind. The only time I enjoyed myself here was when LOML came over for the weekend. Now that she's gone back, I'm bored again.

The longest business trip I've been on before this was five days. This is double that. Plus the fact that I have to drive back is just stressing me out! Maybe I should have flown here!

The best business trip I've been on was maybe a year ago with another company. It was planned by the business development manager. It was to lobby the client. Three days two nights. Actual duration for the meeting - 1 hour. :D

Two days into the trip, I noticed that I was very thirsty. Turns out that the last time I had any fluids that did not contain alcohol in it was on the plane! This revelation was when we were in the shuttle from the beach back to the hotel with the other 'tourists'.... hehehe...

I love working with sales people!

Anyway, these two weeks makes me re-evaluate how I'm going to handle the relocation that's coming up, tentatively next year. I was going to treat it as an 'extended business trip'... just waiting for the time when I move on to the next project.

But if I get bored after a week, how am I going to handle 6 months, or even a year!?

I don't want to resign and look for another job. I like my job. I like the company. I like my collegues. I like my boss (how often can people say that!).

Plus, quitting because I'm bored with a posting would speak volumes about my character, wouldn't it. I'm not a quitter. My father has never let me quit on something because he knows that not only can I do it, but I can do it well.

And I have in the past... so this should be no different. Just have to come up with a new strategy...

Side effects of 'mood enhancing' substances

Before I start this blog post, I would like to make it clear... Alcohol is bad... marijuana is bad... in fact all 'mood enhancing' substances which are consumed without a prescription from a doctor is BAD. I do not condone nor do I promote the use of such substances. I'm a very naughty person for using such substances. You should not use me as a role model!

Now that's been said, I want to tell you a very bad side effect that I have when I use mood enhancing substances... It's not the hangover... I can deal with that. Is the fact that I'm brutally honest!! Do not start an argument with me. I can be very cool, calm and collective during a 'discussion', but at some alcohol, and damnit, you will get a piece of my mind! Do not ask questions that you do not want the answer to. I will not sugar coat it like when I'm sober.

Mainly, my problem is, I tell the truth... even though it's the brutal truth. Thank goodness I don't keep any secrets from LOML (except maybe for the existence of this blog), so when she asks questions when I'm under influence, she gets an answer that will make her fall even more in love with me. And she could trust the answer because she knows I tell the truth when I'm in that state.

But sometimes, there are tiny little issues that I choose not to raise with people for the simple reason that they are "TINY ISSUES" and not worth getting worked up about. But when under influence, they come out!

These tiny issues, when coupled with my "superior when under influence debating skills" result in these tiny issue becoming huge issues... and I end up not being able to sleep because they haunt my dreams.

This rarely happens, but it really ruins a night of partying!

I'm thankful that LOML was very understanding the last time that happened! ;) But now she knows the little things that she does that bug me. As they say at the end of the GI Joe cartoons... "knowing is half the battle!"

Face Recognition

In my previous post, SL commented that part of my "permanent damage" due to substance abuse is the fact that I have a problem remembering names. It's true that I have that problem, but I also have a problem with faces.

I have had two girlfriends in the past where I couldn't remember how they look like after the first meeting.

First one called me up. She got my number from a mutual friend. I had to tell her the truth that I couldn't remember her name. Must have been really embarrassing for her, having to gather the courage to call me, and I don't even remember her name. I actually heard her say "oh my god!"... poor girl. Anyway, we decided to meet up. And of course, on the day that we met up, I was really hoping she would come up to me and say hi. I actually pretended to admire the scenery, as an excuse of why 'I didn't see that she had arrived'.

Second story was actually my wife. First time I met her, it was a college activity kind of thing. So we talked, laughed, etc. Spent an estimated three hours with her. Problem was, I was chilling out the whole time and never bothered to properly memorise her face. The next day, the whole group got together again to continue the activity. I couldn't remember which one she was! So I didn't talk to any girls, and was just talking to a couple of my friends. Finally she came up to me and said hi. I was still not sure it was her. I let her start talking. I was only sure it was her when she started talking about the stuff we talked about the night before.

Now whoever says that I'm only interested in a girl because of her looks is greatly mistaken. Obviously a girl's personality is what atracts me! I must be the last guy on earth who's like this!

Now I consider this a major problem, since I deal with clients most of the time. I'm always being introduced to new people for my job. Amazingly, what I do is I actually tell some of them (especially if I meet a large group of people) that I have a problem with names and faces. Most will laugh and understand. But I don't think they know the severity of my problem.

Interesting fact though. I went to for a drink last night (alone! I hate traveling alone) and there was a band playing and the club I was at. I can still recall how the singer looks like. I was looking around the club most of the time, not the band. Amazingly I can't remember the bartender, who was infront of me most of the time. Weird...

Substance Abuse

I'm afraid to take paracetamol... I still do sometimes when I have a fever, but I have to be forced to take it. Reason for it is I used to be addicted to the stuff. It's readily available over the counter, so no problems there. Worse part was I didn't even realise I was addicted. I just 'assumed I had a fever every single day'.

Why am I talking about this? Well, I was watching CSI last night and there was a character which drank so much until she was only semi-concious and then was raped. She just didn't realise she had too much and should have stopped drinking for her own safety.

People who have never gone through a 'substance abuse stage' would say that it was avoidable. But I feel that it's only avoidable if you know that it's happening. You have to actually realise that what you are doing will have adverse effects.

For me, I totally didn't realise what I was doing... the whole habit fit snugly into my life. I used to just walk into a drug store to 'stock' up like it was something totally normal. I took 3-4 doses a day, each time 'checking my temperature' first to make sure, yes, I had a fever.

I was considered lucky. One day I realised what I was doing and stopped. Amazingly the fevers also stopped!! :D I'm lucky it wasn't something really addictive like hard drugs.

There are other things I did when I was 'younger'... up to a point where I have 'blank spots' in my memory... problem is, because I don't remember what I did to cause the 'blank spots', there's no way for me to learn my lesson and avoid it!! That's kind of crappy, don't you think! :P

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, you should look at what you do in your life. There may be things that you do that are harmful to you but you just don't realise it. For me, it didn't have any permanent damage (that I know of). But better be safe than sorry.

Being Far Away...

After too many hours on the road, I've finally made it to the destination of my biz trip. I'm tired, and I'm hungry.

When I was young, I used to think it was really cool to travel on business. I used to see people at the airport, or at hotels, with their laptops and briefcases and thought they were having the time of their life, traveling for the company.

Now that I've done this myself for the past five years, I've realised that I was WRONG!

You get really tired of getting on and off planes, cars, cabs, etc. You lose precious time waiting at airports, or just staring at the open road. Time you could spend with your loved ones. You are alone most of the time, trying to make small talk with complete strangers because you are just so extremely lonely.

This trip, I've decided to drive instead of fly here because I'll be here for almost two weeks, and having my car would make it easier for me to move around. That was an incredibly boring drive!! It was the furthest I've driven alone! Could have used some company.

This shows my inability to be alone. I get totally bored from short business trips. What does that tell you about me?

Post-Holiday

She made it through the holidays without flipping out! I'm amazed... LOML has really improved. I like to think that the glass is half full! ;)

I kept in contact with her the whole time. She didn't need to be so clingy when friends came over, or when she went to see her son. So that was good. In other words, she only needs me there to comfort her when she's feeling lonely.

I admit, I did miss her a lot during the last couple of days. It's the holidays, when I was with my family. I always felt that something was missing. It was her. She's also family to me.

I haven't had a chance to see her yet. Went straight to the office. We are gonna meet up for lunch.

Maybe things are going to get better. Maybe I've been worrying too much.

I used to have this belief that things will always work out in the end. I always thought of that everytime shit happens. And it always does. Whether it was because of exams I didn't study for, or financial problems... it sorted itself out. Well, that's kind of illogical. It's more of the fact that if I have a positive attitude towards a problem, whatever actions I take should turn out for the best.

It's amazing what positive thinking can do.