Look Mom, I'm a Rock Star!

Guess where I was just now?

No, I was not at my mom's place... I was in a jamming studio! I am the front man for a band made up of a bunch of my friends here... we don't have a name yet because there are other concerns...

First of all, the incredibly good looking and talented front man hasn't been in a studio since 1998. Secondly, the drummer hasn't played in ten years... third, well, we suck! Or to put it in a nicer way, we haven't found our sound yet.

The drummer suggested that we find a replacement for him, cause he was really bad... We told him that it wasn't about being so good that we could cut an album... it's about a bunch of friends chilling out together and having fun.

Well, even though we sucked throughout the whole our time in the studio, we still had fun... and we're gonna go again next week... it's a great way to relieve stress... and trust me, I'm really stressed out...

To tell you the truth, I've always wanted to be in a band... I love to sing... I have been told that I have a great voice... only problem is I don't know how to use it... at least that was what a vocal coach once told me... having given that comment, he refused to coach me... according to him, he only coaches women... err... okay...

It has been said that those who go into the performing arts have an exterior locus of self identity... well, that's kinda true about me... people's opinion of how good I am matters a lot to me... it's not enough for me to know that I've done a good job...

Weird thing is, when I purposely do something bad, I couldn't care less what people think... hmmm... maybe I also enjoy being the 'bad boy'... but as always, that's a different story...

Come to think of it, I have never given up the opportunity to be in the spotlight... whether it's to do a presentation at work, teaching in front of a class, or getting up on stage... there's something very fulfilling about having 5000 people clap and cheer for you (been there, done that!)

I wasn't always this way... I used to be extremely shy... in fact you can see the remnants of that character in me until now... whenever I'm with a new group of people, I am always very quite... I am definitely not the life of the party (unless of course the party is full of people I already know)... I spend the whole time observing everybody's character... I won't speak unless spoken to...

It all changed in the 9th grade... I had to pick my courses for the year, and for some weird reason, one of the classes I took was Drama. So there I was in the studio, with a script in my hand... and I had to act it out! OMG!! I was still very shy, but I guess because I didn't want everybody to say I can't act, I got on stage and well, acted... I was pretty good at it... but that's when everything changed...

I was no longer the quiet one in the class... I asked questions, I participated in discussions, and most importantly, I couldn't get enough of the stage...

Not being shy anymore has really helped me achieve the current level of success that I have now in my life and career... I stand out more in a classroom, a boardroom, and in the bedroom! (Your partner can't read your mind... if you want to try the position on page 23 of the Kama Sutra, you have to tell them... don't be shy!)

In my working life, I often come across shy colleagues who make a huge impact to the company, but nobody knows because they don't say a thing... Sometimes they have great ideas, but won't tell anybody about it... during meetings, the boss will ask everybody if they have anything to add... they'll obviously say no, even though they've got ideas that would make a gazilion dollars in profit for the company... In the end, they finish the rat race in last place...

I feel sorry for them... I knew how it felt to be 'stuck' inside your shell... but seriously, they have to make the first move to change... I'm not saying they should all go out and start a band, but saying "Yes, I have an idea" would be good.

Self Motivation

Yesterday night I slept at 4:30am... how I wish it was because I was out partying. Unfortunately, I have a hard time going to sleep. I actually have some herbal medication (we don't want to pollute our bodies with pharmaceuticals, do we?) that I take when I have problems sleeping. Unfortunately, I left it at home... when I say home, I mean my real one... not this temporary 'place' that I'm staying at now.

I have problems sleeping for a variety of reasons... most common is if I have something on my mind... last night, it was the fight I had with LOML (surprise, surprise)...

So there I was, tossing and turning... full of hate... self pity... and whatever else came to mind... I thought to myself, 'I'm gonna be really tired tomorrow... I'm going to be angry... I'm not going to work...' By not going to work, I mean that I'll work from home, so I can just lie in bed with the laptop and pretend to be interested in the work flashing before my eyes...

When the alarm went off this morning, I tried to go back to sleep... thinking that there's no point in waking up since I'm in no mood to drag my ass to the office... but something weird happened... I couldn't go back to sleep...

Instead of the lazy voice inside my head saying 'the hell with it... just go back to sleep and continue that dream you were having of LOML and your muse' (no, it was not a kinky dream), there was another upbeat voice in my head...

In fact, from the way the voice, I imagined there was a guy in my head in workout clothes jumping up and down, telling me to wake up.

The voice told me "don't think you'll feel better if you just mope around the house... you'll feel even worse"... the guy in my head went on and on until I finally opened my eyes... and I felt different...

I wasn't going to mope around the house today... I was going to go out and enjoy life... I have things to do... people to meet... meals to eat... cigarettes to smoke... jokes to laugh at... girls to flirt with...

And at that very same moment, I thought of my relationship with LOML... of how things have really been crappy lately because I have been caught up with the bad things she's been doing to me... of how I no longer enjoyed the good things she does, even though they are right there in front of me...

I had become a bitter person in the relationship... hoping for her to change instead of enjoying the love she has also given me...

Yes, she does really bad things to me... if you've read this blog from the beginning, you would know how much of a bitch she is... but I could have enjoyed my life with her and just slowly point out the bad things...

It was my Archimedes "eureka" moment... my Homer Simpson "d'oh" moment... my Pitbull "I know you want me... you know I want cha" moment...

I knew what I wanted now... and I had to thank that voice inside my head for it... I wonder if he does motivational talks... I could make a killing...

The voice didn't stop there... because only two minutes had passed and although my eyes were open, I was still holding on to my pillow and wouldn't let go...

You see there were other things bugging me... I had a tonne of work at the office... and the deadline was coming faster than a virgin on his wedding night (sorry, couldn't think of a better analogy... and yes, I know that's not how you spell it).

So the voice (let's give him a name... Mr. Voice... H Prime... err...I like the first one. I hope Rick Dees doesn't mind)... anyway, Mr. Voice starts spewing out motivational quotes... the first being "No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up" - Regina Brett.

So off I went into the shower... Mr. Voice continues to talk while I'm in the shower (which starts to freak me out now because I suddenly feel like there's a guy watching me taking a shower)... he says "Live each day as if it was on purpose"... now I can't remember who said it... it was either Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs or Donald Trump. My memory isn't what it used to be.

So yes, I was ready to take on the challenge of today because I was expecting it... Monday didn't creep up on me... I was waiting for it, ready to give it my best, and then some...

So I left the house with a plan on what I wanted (not had to) do... Mr. Voice had empowered me to take my life into my own hands...

I started by talking to LOML... I told her what I wanted to do... that she was an insensitive jerk but I'm going to take the good parts and we'll work on her 'jerkness'... I asked if she wanted to be part of it... of course she said yes... I was talking like Mr. Voice... who wouldn't be motivated...

Then came the work... I got reorganized and settled quite a lot today... I still have a tonne to do after this, but at least I can see the progress.

Throughout the day, I made sure I had the whole work life balance... chatted online with LOML, my muse, a few friends (even motivated one of my friends... she's slightly suicidal, but that's a different story)... I had a few puffs with my smoking buddies, talking about the band we're gonna form (again, a different story)... went out to lunch with another friend, and helped him change a flat tire (ok, I noticed the flat tire, and the was a service center just a couple of minutes away... so we just drove there... just to get the record straight, I was ready to change the tire ourselves... but my friend wasn't as motivated as I was)...

Where was I? Oh yeah... so I finished my day with a sense of accomplishment... and not a false sense either... and because I was in a better mood today, I was able to string together the ideas for this post together in my head... my mind is a well oiled machine again...

So what can you, my dear readers, gain from this blog post... let's summarize it, shall we...

Mr. Voice is me (no shit, Sherlock!)... it's the 'me' that's dying to get out... It's the 'me' that has listened to many motivational speakers or read their work... He's been wanting that change for so long...

All of us, at one time or another, has been motivated by somebody else... but that lasts until when you face your first obstacle... the reason is very simple... you're holding yourself back... you are the one that would not let yourself achieve your goals/happiness. You then blame it on your environment, such as your boss, partner, government, genetics, even lady luck...

The first step is to motivate yourself... you can pay 1000 dollars for a motivational seminar, but if you're not gonna motivate yourself, might as well go on a shopping spree with that money...

It may sound easy... after all, Mr. Voice woke me up... but it's really not... I sometimes struggle and push myself out the door... I have to re-motivate myself at least 2-3 times a week to go to the gym... 5 times a week to go to work... 14 times a week to call LOML and be nice... heck, 3 times a day to eat (I really don't like to eat, but that my friends is, let's say it together, 'a different story')...

If it's so difficult, then how does any of us have a chance? Well, just imagine our goals... set our targets... and do it... you won't know until you've tried...

Painkillers

Most of us are 'blessed' with a partner who has the emotional support capability of a gnat... they are never around when we need them, they claim to be the busiest person on earth, they answer 'huh... oh, yeah... i love... hmmm?... you too...' and 'yeah, yeah... i miss u too...'

This causes emotional pain for some of us who are very sensitive... so we go out and get some painkillers... it could be in the form of a friend, alcohol (not recommended... booze and loneliness does not mix well)... or in some cases, a 'replacement'... which is our topic for today...

You see, these painkillers are easy to maintain. You don't need a relationship with them... you just want them to fill the gaps in your current relationship. You could be just friends but you can 'pretend' they are something else in your mind...

An example would be like this... something interesting happened to you... you can't wait to share it with your partner... you call your partner up and they say they are too busy to talk/listen to you... when all you needed was 2 minutes of their undivided attention... this obviously will cause you some 'pain'... so immediately call your 'painkiller'... to them, it's just a friend calling so they will actually listen (why is that?)... so you tell your painkiller your two minute story... and end the conversation feeling much better...

It's sort of a surrogate partner...

But just as real painkillers, they have to be taken in moderation... you don't want to be addicted to your painkiller... that would lead to cheating... and you don't want to do that, do you? Right?

Of course you could always use the excuse that your partner pushed you into cheating on him/her, but that's really not nice...

What am I teaching you guys?

No Pain, No Gain

I am underweight... it's not that I don't eat... I eat quite a lot, but I have a very high metabolism... So what happens is, I'm always hungry, I always eat, and I have a hard time falling asleep...

So I've taken a step to do something about my weight... Actually, I've done something to change my body shape... I joined a gym!

My main motivation is to make LOML say 'wow!' when I take my shirt off... Plus, I want to be able to carry her into the room and throw her on the bed... she gets turned on by that... but I can't do it easily... very little upper body strength... last time I did it, was tired for three days!! :P

I've been going three times a week for the past two weeks, and I feel great... I'm starting to see the foundations of my future six-pack abs! Plus, my heart is now used to the exercise, so I won't feel like I'm having a heart attack every time I play sports...

I'm so motivated by wanting to impress LOML, that the motivation has become contagious... LOML has started to exercise again... she wants to get back in shape so I would say 'wow!' when she takes her clothes off... personally, I would say 'wow' regardless of her body shape... how love is blind... of course she doesn't believe that... no surprise, huh...

Another good thing about joining a gym is that you start to make friends... People tend to have a standard workout routine, so you end up seeing the same people at the gym whenever you go...

After working out, I usually have a chat with somebody before taking a shower... it gives me a chance to rest and drink my protein shake...

Yes, I'm actually so serious about being buff, that I actually bought the protein shake... tastes awful, but I'm starting to get used to it...

After two weeks, I've gained half a kilogram of muscle mass!!! Even though my muscles ache, I definitely feel better... though I do believe I've been looking in the mirror a bit too much lately...

Being Away from Family

My friend came over here for a company event. So I went over to his hotel after work... We went to the hotel bar and were invited to join his company directors for drinks.

Anyway, the two directors were from overseas... Here they were, working in a different country... and I was feeling sorry for myself for working in another state...

We started talking about leaving family behind. One of the guys just came back from a holiday, where he went home to celebrate his mother's birthday... His mother is around 90... My friend asked him if he ever regretted taking a job in another country... after all, his mother is old, and he might not be there if anything were to happen...

He said something very interesting. Even if he was back home in Germany (might as well tell you guys where the directors were from... so if you still have not figured out where I'm from, then you can cross Germany from the list), he would not be spending every single moment of his life with his mother... he would be at work... and go home to his house... not his mother's... so in other words, he won't be there when she 'goes'... So it doesn't make a difference now, does it? He would just attend her funeral... same thing if he was overseas... he would fly back for the funeral...

What's he's basically saying is that, you can't put your life on hold for other people... you have to live it, wherever it takes you... of course family is important... but you can't have whole families staying with each other every single day...

Imagine living in a house with your spouse and children... your parents, your in-laws, your uncles and aunts, their families, etc... plus nobody works... would be a strange sight...

Going Under the Knife

I am extremely scared of even the smallest amount of pain. It's known as algophobia. Though I don't think I have such an extreme case, but it's enough to make me afraid of doctors and any sort of medical treatment.

But I had a problem a few weeks ago. Something was growing on my face at an alarming rate. Doctors said it was too late for antibiotics, so better to just cut into it and remove the contents. To make things a bit more complicated, it was pressing on my eye, so had to be done by an eye specialist.

So I was then referred to an eye specialist.

He had a look at it. Tested my vision, eye pressure (didn't know there was such a thing... imagine your eye's pressure gets so high that it just pops out... saw that on an episode of House)... anyway, everything was still fine. Only thing was, it was causing a lot of discomfort and slight pain in the corner of my eye... No big deal for the specialist.

So he suggests that he do localised anaesthetic, slice it open and drain out the contents. Is he friggin' nuts? I can't even look at the needle if they are giving me a shot or drawing blood... and you want me to be awake and see the scalpel going so near to my eye?

Before I continue with this story, I have a quick flashback. Several years ago, I fell in the bathroom and tore my ear. Had to get something like 12 stitches on just one ear. Now, I had the doctor put me to sleep. I actually told him that I don't care what he or anybody else thought of me... call me chicken, pussy, etc... I don't give a crap... all I know is I don't want to feel or see a thing...

Now back to the eye specialist... I told him I wanted general anaesthetic... He advised against it since it would be a very quick procedure and GA can get complicated. My response to him was "do you really want me to be squirming when you're about to cut so near to my eye?"

Well, the customer's always right. I've got me some medical insurance, so cut away...

It was my first surgery and I went through it alone. My family and friends were about 400km away...

The concierge/porter (you've got to love the service you get when you're heavily insured) was actually surprised that I was alone when he took me to the ward... kind of made me depressed. LOML didn't really call me during the day... busy with work, as usual. My son wanted to come see me, but it's just too far to travel for a minor operation.

Gotta love that kid. To him, Dad's in the hospital, so we have to go see him. Just like when Mom had surgery, we all spent time with her at the hospital... same as when he was in the hospital and both Mom and Dad were at the hospital the whole time.

I actually enjoyed my time in the hospital... had a chance to read, watch tv, and most importantly talk to people... Had a lovely conversation with a very lovely nurse... (hehehehehe)... wanted to get her phone number when I got discharged the next day, but unfortunately she wasn't around at that very moment... damn!! Lesson learned : never delay until tomorrow what you can do today...

The staff were all very nice and helped to calm my nerves when I was being wheeled into the operation theater. Plus, whatever the anaestheologist gave me, it was 'damn good shit'... knocked me right out. I tried to go to work the next day, but the stuff made me tired... so I worked from home...

When I did go to work the day after that, my boss kept on insisting I go home and rest... aren't you jealous that I have such a nice and caring boss?

Well, at least I have one more interesting story to tell the grandkids...

I've been lazy... errr... I mean busy...

Quite a few things have happened in the past few weeks. I have however been busy with these new 'events' that I have not had a chance to update this blog. It has become a cause for concern for my two to three readers... so I'm going to do my best this weekend to catch up on things.

I'll probably do a few posts, since most of the events are pretty much unconnected.

Happy reading...

My Muse

Muse : a source of inspiration; especially : a guiding genius (definition by Merriam-Webster)

If you notice, a lot of my posts have a certain line in it... "I have this friend..." There's usually a story about a friend that got me thinking and has inspired me to write the post...

I may be 'popular' with 'tonnes of friends', but I find that not many of them have an interesting character.

The 'friends' from most of the stories is actually just one friend... my muse! Since she's given me so much, I'm going to dedicate this whole post to her...

I've known her since 1997... that's pretty much 13 years of funny stories, weird relationships, drama, suspense, advise, discussions and a bit of sex... not with each other, mind you... but we do tell each other a lot...

You might think, doesn't the artist usually sleep with the muse? I'm pretty sure da Vinci was boinking Mona Lisa... but it's quite different between me and my muse...

And no, she's not ugly with a great personality. She could, by social norms, be considered 'hot'... she was after all a model for a short period of time, until she decided to pursue other interests...

It's just that I have always thought of her as my sister, and she thinks of me as her brother... we're the same age... we're both Scorpios... we like the same things... we pretty much have the same opinion about issues... heck... it was like spending time with my non-identical twin.

And you can't boink your sister, can you... I have actually sat in her room, on her bed, while she showed me the latest pieces of underwear she just bought, and not a single sexual thought comes to mind...

The fact that I'm not turned on by her at all does tick her off a bit... I'm the only guy that she's met who doesn't want her in 'that way'... and it's not that she wants me anyway... it's just something we've been laughing about since 1997...

Now back in the day, we used to go everywhere together... most people thought that we were 'an item'... once they've figured out that we're not (usually when they see me going out with a whole bunch of other girls), they immediately become 'my friend'... of course I'm talking about guys who are interested in her...

You see, they've figured out that my opinion of them means a lot to her... probably because she wouldn't stop talking about me... So there I was, being wined and dined like a prospective client who's about to award a multi-million dollar contract... Sometimes it made me feel like her friggin' pimp!!

What they failed to realize was, I didn't make the decisions for her... I gave her my input, and she decides... she's not some hopeless bimbo... she's intelligent, independent and knows how to take care of herself...

A lot of guys, who lack the self confidence to talk to her, do ask me about her... they keep on mentioning the fact that she's hot... well, I try not to dwell on looks with them... I try to maneuver the conversation to the fact that she's a great person... she's fun, she funny, carefree, but yet at the same time can be serious when the occasion calls for it... she'll listen to your problems... she has a way of saying "you know you're wrong, dumbass" in such a nice and non-condescending way that you do the right thing in your life after talking to her about it...

A long time ago, we promised each other... that if both of us aren't married after a certain age (I think it was 30... we were really young... 30 seemed so old at that time), that we would marry each other... of course other things which had to be done was I had to buy her a yellow BMW (have never figured out why) and we had to have sex on a flight of stairs (errr... the motive for this is even more perplexing than the BMW)...

We'll, I already got married (even though she tried her best to knock some sense into me at the time)... and so all I can do is wish her all the best and hope that she finds a guy who appreciates her for the amazing person that she is inside... I hope she finds a guy who will take care of her the way I would take care of her... I hope she finds a guy who will love her as his partner as much as I love her as my friend...

A high price to pay...

I was watching this movie, Crossing Over. It's about immigrants in the US, starring Harrison Ford and Ray Liotta. Quite a serious movie.

Anyway, in one of the many storylines, Ray Liotta's character is this guy who works with the immigration department... he meets this really hot Australian girl who is working in the country illegally. So, since he's got a bit of power, he promises her a green card if she will sleep with him, whenever he wants it, for the next two months... of course, she does it, and feels like crap...

Now that got me thinking about a few things... first of all, if I was in a position of power, would I do the same thing?

A few years ago, I had a girlfriend who was actually one of my subordinates... now don't start judging me yet... here's the whole story...

Okay, I was sleeping with somebody who reported to me. But, when we started out, she was not reporting to me. One day, my boss decides to 'expand my empire' and gives me control of a few areas, including the staff. She was one of the 'new converts'...

Now this presented quite a problem. I had a couple of options. My first option was to keep her on my staff, work wise, and keep her off my 'staff', personal wise. You see she was really good at her job. She was somebody I can depend on professionally. My second option would be the opposite of option one. In the end, a third option came up. We continued to be together both professionally and personally.

Of course there were things in place to make sure both worlds remain separate... for one, there was a person the she reported to instead of directly reporting to me... my assistant actually... to make things fair, she wasn't the only one who reported to my assistant... a whole section did... it was good for my assistant as well. She just got something interesting to write on her resume! And another thing was, even though I did the appraisals for the whole team, I did leave one out for my assistant to do, which was my girlfriends appraisal.

So I guess, if I was in a position of power, would I get sex out of a person. Probably not... I couldn't do it... Heck, I didn't even want to complicate things when it was my own girlfriend. I seriously doubt I can do it with a 'stranger'...

The other question that I had was, if I was presented with the opportunity to sleep my way to the top, would I?

I asked a friend earlier today if she would do it... Being very attractive, there was a chance that some asshole has presented the opportunity to her. Her answer was simple... she wouldn't... she has to actually like the guy to sleep with him... since we're like two peas in a pod, I guess I found my answer about myself...

Now what about the people that do take up the offer... do they consider themselves as prostitutes? In the end, that's what they are... do they scoff at the street walkers?

I haven't been in the same position, so I'm not going to judge them... I guess I'll know how they feel if it ever happens to me...

I'm very busy right now...

I do not buy that bullshit when your loved one is too busy to answer your phone call or reply to your text message... if you were to stop working for two minutes, would the company come to a grinding halt? Hell no!

When I asked LOML this question, she agrees with me. But she insists that "work time is for work"... of course that doesn't apply to her... if she needs to ask me something, I have to take the time to answer.

Last few days have been tough on me... I've gone into depression... I'm home sick... and of course, when I get that way, I want to have a quick chat with her... just to cheer myself up a bit so I can go on with my day... she obviously doesn't have the time for me...

When I told her this, she says 'well, we have that time when I drive home from work'.. it's a ten minute drive! All you have for me is ten minutes in the whole fucking day!?

We haven't had a proper conversation in over a week... even on the weekends! Quite simply, she couldn't care less about me...

When I told her I'm depressed because I'm lonely, she tells me that she's scared... not because my mental health is at stake, but because if I find friends here, I won't need her anymore...

Ironically, when I want to spend some time talking to her on the phone, she doesn't think it's important...

All I want is a couple of minutes... I just want to feel that there's something to look forward to... coming home to someone who loves me... I guess that's too much too ask...

In the eyes of the netizens...

Many, many moons ago, the company I worked for had a dinner and dance... It was supposed to replace the annual company trip... the economy was bad and flying everybody to an island resort might not be the best thing to do... Anyway, it's the thought that counts and everybody had a great time.

We had activities during the day and a dinner and dance that night... I was snapping away with my camera throughout the whole event. Mostly, it was pictures of me with a colleague or a group of colleagues... during the dance, most of us were on the dance floor and I was snapping away... got some really great candid shots... then one of my colleagues tapped me on the shoulder... he said "H, take a picture"... it ended up being a picture of him with a female colleague of ours...

As usual, almost all the pictures ended up on Facebook. We went on for a couple of weeks, making funny comments about all the pictures from all the different cameras that were there... and then came the rogue comment, from that guy's wife!!

I asked him whether I should accept the comment, and he said he was already in trouble with his wife over the picture, and not accepting the comment would mean he had something to hide... so just accept the comment and also her 'friend request'... I did and thought it would be the end of the story...

Last week, all hell broke lose!! She decides to add another comment to the picture... "what a nice couple!"... a friend of mine tried to do damage control by putting a link in the comments to a picture of the female colleague and her husband... I talked to her about it and she asked me to totally remove the picture, which I did... I later found out from her that the guy's wife has been 'adding and harassing' whole office on facebook...

To make matters worse, my boss found out about it... I had a little chat with him, and it was decided to take off all pictures of company events from all social networking sites... either that or limit the viewership to just the office folks... it would be an unofficial company policy... the 'damage control' friend and I became my boss' online eyes and ears, to make sure stuff like this don't happen again...

First of all, I am stationed on project site... social networking sites are on the few ways I stay in contact with the happenings at the office... secondly, the guy fucked up and the whole office is paying for it!!!!

If you were to take picture with a member of the opposite sex, make sure that there are plenty of pictures with various members of the opposite sex... that way it looks like there's nobody special, which is really the case...

It turns out that was the only picture of him and another girl!! Mon Dieu!!

How things have changed... it used to be rumors and speculations that got you in trouble in the past... nowadays, Facebook does it for you! Same goes for Twitter... I haven't had the chance to use that service, but from what I've heard so far, quite a number of people have gotten screwed for a comment they left on Twitter...

I have a friend who has given me strict instructions not to leave any comments on her facebook page because she has an over-jealous boyfriend...

In an attempt to safeguard my internet profile, this blog is anonymous... hell, you can't even tell what country I'm from, can you? I have totally avoided giving names, places and even mixed the spelling between American English and British English...

We try to be fully connected with the world but yet we have to hide our true self in front of the eyes of the netizens... go figure...

Party of One...

One of the biggest problem with moving to a new place is you've got no friends... Not many people would go out alone... they'll probably just chill out at home...

Fortunately for me, I've had a bit of experience with business trips where I end up in a foreign place all alone... so going out to bars, clubs, malls, tourist attractions, etc by myself is nothing new.

The only problem with it is when something funny or interesting happens, you can't really tell your friends about it... 'cause they're in another city/country! Sharing a story is part of the fun of going out... so I'm going to share my stories with my few but loyal readers.

Anyway, last night I decided to go to a club... nice place... but it got way too crowded by 1am... I don't know, maybe I'm just getting old... it used to be fun going to packed clubs... now I'm thinking about how irresponsible the doormen are in letting this many people into the place. I'm sure it violates fire department regulations about how many people can be inside at one time.

Anyway, the music was good... the bartender was joining me in getting tipsy... the 'view' was quite impressive... so after a couple of drinks, a group of really gorgeous came in... we're talking about long legs, great body, very stylish... definitely the best looking girls in the club... everybody was checking them out so I'm pretty sure that it wasn't the alcohol affecting my vision.

I noticed one of them needed a light... so I walked over and lit her cigarette. Introduced myself and asked her name... the voice that replied was A MAN'S VOICE!!! He/she was a Khatoey (Thai Lady Boy)... I recognized the Thai accent, having been in Bangkok earlier this month... these guys really get around!

Alarms were going off in my head... RED ALERT! RETREAT! RETREAT! RETREAT!

If my friends were there, we would have been laughing our heads off... at my expense, but it would all be in good fun...

Later, the bartender, who was a bit tipsy courtesy of drinks he had with everybody at the bar sets up a Flaming Lamborghini for a group of people... I could see that it was unstable... but hey, he did this for a living... so why bother him with the details... well, while pouring the flaming sambuca down the bottle (which was used as a tower), the bottle fell over and broke! Oh well...

Wonder what I'll do next weekend...

Are we that different?

I relocated to another state... it's the same country... same laws... same government... same currency... but the people are different. They have a different accent than I have. It's common for most countries... heck, in some countries you'll get a totally different dialect in the neighboring village.

When I talk to the locals here, mostly at stores, restaurants, etc, some of them give me a weird look. Like I've come from a strange faraway land. I've heard stories from my friends that they also get treated differently when going to different states. Especially if the accent totally gives away the fact that your an 'outsider'...

I grew up in a different country... spent the majority of my childhood as an 'outsider'... because I was young, I picked up the local accent very easily... you couldn't tell the difference if you were talking to me on the phone... but what gave me away was the colour of my skin...

I had to endure racism when I was growing up... so when I came home, I thought I would never have to deal with it ever again... WRONG!!

Racism exists in every country... even when it's your own... because the world has become small, and every place has become multiracial...

Not only is there racism, but also 'statism'... ok, i made that word up... but it's still an 'ism'... And we still have not touched sexism, capitalism, communism, nationalism, extremism, etc... Is there a good 'ism' out there?

Fact remains that we are all the same... same basic genetic makeup... so what the hell is the problem?

We fear all that we do not understand... just because a person is different, doesn't make that person evil and ready to do you harm...

When we were babies, new things... things which we did not understand fascinated us... you see babies happily exploring the world... enjoying the diversity in life... We have all forgotten that...

So let's try to make a difference... you can't change the whole world, but you can change yourself... don't make a negative generalization of other groups... be it racial, nationality, gender, etc... get to know 'the person'... your attitude towards one person will start a chain reaction... and hopefully will make this world a better place.

Kissing

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. ~Ingrid Bergman

I remember my first kiss... and also every relationship's first kiss... it's something you can never forget...

My first kiss was around 14 years ago... it was an extremely sweet moment... we were talking... can't remember about what... probably because of the fact that neither of us were paying attention to the conversation anymore... we kept on inching closer to each other... and then slowly, our lips met.

It was an amazing feeling that no words can describe... you end up on cloud nine... you have that stupid grin on your face... you feel like nothing else around you matters...

Not everybody has a sweet first kiss moment... a friend of mine, who shall remain anonymous (surprise, surprise huh?) had a 'not so sweet' first kiss. Her boyfriend was all too ready to shove his tongue down her throat... since it was her first kiss, she wasn't really sure what to do, and had her mouth closed... instead of being patient, the guy tried his level best to get his tongue past her teeth... obviously it never happened... so here was this guy, banging his tongue on her teeth... if the problems ended there, then it would had been fine... after all, it was her first kiss... you don't expect tonsil hockey with the first kiss... after the kiss, they guy actually said 'next time, mind the teeth'.... wow...

Now, I don't claim to be an expert at kissing... but what he did was just wrong!!!

Another thing which you should never do is bite the other person's tongue... with that I mean a really strong bite, thinking it's 'naughty'... the tongue is a very sensitive organ... if somebody bit your tongue, you would definitely lose your mood... there was somebody who sometimes bit my tongue... I never said anything, nor will I ever... it ruins the mood if you tell somebody that 'they are doing it wrong'...

For those who are in a serious relationship, it may suddenly dawn on you that you will never again have a 'first kiss'... after all, if you're serious in the relationship, why would you expect another 'first kiss'... I do feel that it's something I'm going to miss... that's why I treat every kiss as though it was our first and may be our last... so make it count...

Wait for it...

For something interesting to happen in your life, you've actually have to do something... get off your butt and live life... can't expect people to come knocking at your door bringing a box of surprises...

But that is what I'm doing right now... just waiting for something to happen. Maybe I'm just tired from the last couple of days' activities (moving, working like mad)... but this is getting ridiculous. I get home, turn on my laptop and start surfing the net...

Ok, maybe I've missed just surfing the net... haven't had a chance to do so while at work... I have actually been working from the time I get to work until the time I leave!! Go figure...

Anyway, I could go out with the people at work... I'm sure if I did some mingling instead of just attending meetings, I would find somebody who would have the same interests...

Only problem is, I get along better with girls... and 'somebody' will have a problem with that!! Well, what she doesn't know won't hurt her!

Who reads this stuff?

I love to write... I used to write a lot of short stories when I was in school. Unfortunately, my quest to go up the corporate ladder has severely drained the last of my creative juices... hence no more stories...

One of the reasons that I write this blog is to get used to writing again... and I wished more people would read it...

If you enjoy reading this blog, please recommend it to your friends, family, or total strangers... it would really mean a lot to me...

I guess I subconsciously have the need to be in the limelight... ;)

One Down...

One down... don't know how many more to go... this is the life of a person who has to go away from loved ones...

The concept of leaving behind loved ones to go work is not new. Many people do it... there are people that have it even worse... they are stuck on oil rigs in the middle of the ocean for months at a time... not only don't they get to see their loved ones, hell, they don't even see anybody other than their co-workers... same thing with people who work on ships and submarines...

I haven't had a chance to feel homesick yet... i was in the office at around 8am and left the office at around 8pm... just too tired to be homesick... I won't really feel it until the weekend rolls around... that's when my usual activities like going out with LOML, my son, my family and my friends... instead of doing the usual things I look forward to every week, I'll be stuck alone in this place...

I really have to get new friends here...

The fact of the matter is, I do know some people from work who I theoretically can have fun with on the weekends... problem is, I'm not that upbeat about making 'new friends'... I've gotten to a point in my life where I LOVE MY LIFE... I enjoy living it with the people I'm used to.

Is that a sign that I'm getting old or lazy...?

I really have to change my outlook on life... if not I'll be miserable and lonely...

One thing though... lets say I make a whole bunch of new friends here... what happens when I move back home? Will I miss the people here..? will I yearn to come back here?

Why am I worrying about things which are so far away in the future???

Relocating...relocating...relocated!

Well, I have finally finished unpacking... I hate moving. Well, technically I didn't really 'move' everything... just my clothes... My house and all its contents (LOML included) are still there... I'm just here to handle a project, so no point in bringing everything. I'll be a weekend everything... I'll be going back every chance I get...

The drive was uneventful... I decided to drive fast this time... I knew there was a lot of things to do when I got here... and here I am... a bit after midnight, just finishing...

I wanted to leave early in the morning, but decided to spend a little more time with LOML... after all, we didn't really have a chance to be all lovey dovey these last few weeks... both of us have been too busy with work... get home and just too tired to do anything more than just sit in front of the tv...

So we had yesterday and this morning to catch up...

I took a few days off last week to spend time with my son... I would just die if I didn't get some quality time with him... I miss him already...

I wonder how long I can last here before I go nuts?

Waiting at the airport...

I've got an hour to burn at the airport. Thank god there have reliable free wi-fi... it's not that I want to surf the net, but knowing that they actually cared to provide the service makes me feel good about paying the airport tax.

I ran into a college friend in the departure hall. He was heading out to Singapore for a convention. How things have changed.

We used to walk 30 mins to class every day... neither of us had a car at that time. There were times that it would start raining cats and dogs while we were on the way to class. Showed up for class totally drenched... funny thing was it didn't matter! It was part of being a student. Didn't have much money... trying to party while getting an education.

Now here we are, flying off on business... Somewhere in the middle of the corporate ladder... well, me at least... my friend decided to screw the whole rat race thing and opened up his own construction firm... he's not rich, but at least he is his own boss...

This time around, I see a whole different crowd at the airport. You see, in an effort to keep costs down during these uncertain times, I'm taking a budget airline. Hell, the company director does the same thing, so who am I to demand more. Since it's a budget airline, I'm now at the low-cost carrier terminal.

Now back to the crowd. You see a lot more 'down to earth' people. People who have never been on a plane before... it's more affordable now for people to travel. You see people who have no idea what to do. They are there wondering should they go through the automatic immigration gate or the manual gate, if they should empty out their whole bag into the little box at the x-ray machine, should they walk through the metal detectors alone or together with three other friends.

I've been getting on planes since I was six months old... so it's no big deal to me.. but to them it's a whole new exciting experience.

I just smile and let them take their time. If they look lost, I try to help... I feel that they should be able to enjoy this experience. But not everybody is like me...

I do see some 'seasoned' travelers who do get annoyed... they start making the usual faces... they stomp off to a different counter... kinda makes you wonder what they are going through in life that makes them so high-strung...

They should sell weed at the airport... relieve people's stress...

Take a day off!!

I've got a business trip coming up on Thursday... Going to Bangkok. It's just a quick PR thing... go see the client... say hi... have lunch... bubbye... so it'll be for just one night. Fly in on Thursday, and fly home on Friday.

Everybody, including my boss(es) are telling me to just stay over for the weekend. Enjoy myself. My boss actually pointed out the fact that I have not taken a single day off. Which isn't really true. I did take three days off to take care of my son when he was in the hospital. But I doubt that counts as a real 'day off'...

Ok, I'm gonna admit it... I am sort of a workaholic. Not to say that I really work hard from the time I come in to work until they actually lock up the office. I mean, here I am blogging during office hours. It's more of a need to go to work.

Now, the weekend in Bangkok wouldn't be work. In fact, if I was to fly home, I still won't be going to the office. It is after all, the weekend. So I have absolutely no reason for not spending some time in Bangkok...

Amazingly for the first time, writing about it does not give me that Eureka moment on why I am the way I am...

I've told the person in charge of travel arrangments to just check out Friday and Saturday... I wonder what I'll actually do...

Depression

I haven't been updating my blog lately. Been so extremely busy at work. And I never want to look at my laptop when I'm at home. Nine hours staring at the screen for five days is more than enough for me.

I haven't had much time to think lately because of all the work that I have to do. At home, it's been nice, rekindling the romance with LOML... yes, I gave it another go. So haven't been left with my own thoughts... until today...

I'm waiting for feedback from my boss before proceeding with the work. So had a bit of time... and my mind went straight to work...

What did it produce? Depression... I'm there again... all my worldly problems come rushing in... I am not in the mood to deal with any of them. I think about my relocation that's coming up probably in a month's time. About how I'll be alone in a place that I couldn't last for 10 days (refer to a previous post - http://lifeofh.blogspot.com/2008/10/long-business-trips.html )... oh god... life sucks...

Somebody once told me that humans are naturally depressed... life afterall is depressing... you wake up in the morning, go to work, become a slave to the almighty dollar, go home, have dinner, go to bed... then repeat. Sounds like instructions for shampoo... 'wash, rinse, repeat'... there's actually no instructions on how to get out of the cycle... how do you know when to stop?

Is my life really like shampoo?

Maybe I just like the drama... like S always says, I'm the drama king... I need a break from the mundane life I sometimes lead...

I create problems... I want to be depressed about the relocation... if you really look at it, a relocation would mean new scenery, new friends, new collegues, new places to go and party my brains out!! But instead, I see myself being bored and lonely... I see myself missing the people I leave behind... I see myself starting arguments with LOML just to get attention...

I really have to change my mindset. I used to be a very optimistic person. I wonder what happened?

I need to go shopping... it's my anti-depressant...

Misery Loves Company...

The wise S once said to me that LOML is my destiny... no matter how we try to be apart, something will happen that brings us back together... and we will have to just accept the misery that comes with that... when we are together we are miserable, but yet we are infinitely happy... when apart, then we are only miserable...

When I think about it, yeah, that might be the case... it seems that somebody will fold... and that somebody will say "Damn it!! I still love you!! And I know you still love me!! So stop this bullshit and plant a wet one on me!!"

Why did I just imagine myself as a cowboy and actually say those exact words?

Anyway, something happned on Friday night... something always happens...

I was planning on going out... blah blah blah... ended up not going anywhere and fell asleep in front of the tv. At 3am, I receive a text message. "B, come and rescue me". (As of this point you should know that we both call each other Baby, and short form is, well, B. So don't get confused with fact the this blog is called "The Life of H", and there's references to a friend named B.)

As an ex-bf who is still madly in love with her, I immediately called... she was in her car, pissed drunk and alone... and she was bawling... I panicked... I thought something happened to her... so I drove like a madman... and well, rescued her... I took her home to my place and took care of her...

You see... something will always happen... now here she is in 'our' bed... she was in need, and the one she trusts and wants is me...

so we spent the whole of saturday talking... in each other's arms, no less... we didn't even have breakfast until 7pm...

The next day we talked for a few hours on the phone... we are still talking now...

What we want is each other... we realise that we will be slightly miserable... she can't help it but release some steam... it's the only way she can prevent herself from going insane... there are aspects of my life that we can't do anything about... I go on as normal, drives her nuts... I do something about it, she feels guilty, and it will drive her nuts...

So now here she is waiting for an answer from me... will I take her back and love her with all her quirks...? Wow... now that's an interesting question...

I broke up with her because of it... now she wants me to turn the other cheek and just accept it when it happens... of course she will try to tone it down a few notches... since she knows what is the root cause of it all...

Can I make this sacrifice... basically, have to tell myself "she doesn't mean it" every time... 90% of me says YES... another 10% is affraid that I can't and I end up hurt, and I end up hurting her...

I have to make a decision soon... the suspense is killing me... I want to know how this story ends!

Stop lying to yourself...

It's my fault this time. Totally my fault. I went into half-heartedly... we never had a chance of making it work.

After a few weeks and two fights, I threw in the towel. I broke up with LOML.

Our relationship was full of expectations. We wanted so much from each other because we were both emotionally dependant on each other. It was impossible to give everything, and we both don't respond well to not getting 'our way'...

I guess, I never recovered from the last breakup.

I'm sorry baby...

Yaaaawwwwnnnnn......

I have lost count of how many times I've yawned today. It's not because I didn't get enough sleep last night. I'm just bored out of my mind.

I have work to do at the office... I'm doing it right now (ok, so not really right now... but it takes a while for things to load, so might as well multitask).

It's not that I hate my job... it has its challenges... the people are great... the company is great... my bosses are great... but it involves me sitting here at my desk solving problems from the comfort of my office chair...

Damn!!! That's boring...

I want to go out to see people. The thing is, I deal with people from different countries on a daily basis. There isn't a single work day that goes by without me interacting with somebody who is from a nother country.

But, with great things like email, IM, and cheap long distance calls, I never, ever get to meet these people!! The only way I know what my collegues look like is from their Facebook profile!

I miss going out to see people... sitting down to discuss work and then going out for a cup of coffee. I miss my biz trips... I haven't been on one for the past three months... heck, I haven't been out of the office in the past three months...

I've become absolutely lazy!!

It's time I come up with something fun to do at the office... I can already feel the horns growing out of my head! ;)

After a week...

It's been almost a week since I took LOML back... seems like forever though! I guess I'm not as happy as I was before when things got back to the way it used to be. During those other times, I didn't give up. I tried very hard to make the relationship work. She just played the role of "judge, jury and executioner". This time it's kinda new in terms of the roles... she broke up with me, and she came back to me.

Do I hate spending time with her? Of course not. It's great hanging out with her. As I've said before, we have a lot of great times. It's just the other things that get me a bit uncomfortable... like how things are going to be like in the future... whether she will learn from the past...

If I'm not that excited to get back together with her, then why did I? 'Cause I'm a sucker when it comes to women who cry... hell, they don't even have to cry... all they have to do is look sad. First thing I want to do is run over and help them out.

Well, I just realised something... I didn't get back together for 'us'... I got back together with her for 'her'... and the sacrifices just keep on coming...

Should I expect something in return? Better treatment... or an attitude readjustment on her behalf? Nah... the best gifts are the ones with no strings attached... don't you think?

Here we go again...

I checked the stats for this blog, and it seems that how most people end up at this blog is by googling "White Knight Syndrome"... leads them to an earlier post of mine. I guess there are lots of guys suffer from this... well, you guys are going to love what happened.

In my last post, I told you guys that she IM me... to appologise... well, it didn't stop there. She wants me to take her back... she regrets what she did... and she misses me...

This went on for two days, after which I couldn't take it anymore and I told her I'd prefer to do this face to face. Don't want to misunderstand or be misunderstood.

Well, we met up. She was happy when I called to tell her the place. I had to call her company cell... she didn't give me her new number... but as soon as she got there and saw that I wasn't smiling, she became... well in a word, sad.

We talked... we argued... and at the end she wanted me to take her back, but she has some 'terms and conditions'. You see, every time she breaks up with me and we get back together, she always imposes new 'restrictions'... things that I like which make me feel closer to her. Things like having her listed as a friend in my Facebook account.

I thought it over... I knew the new 'rules' were coming... and I told her that I did love her. I did miss her. But to take her back, and have to abide with the new rules, and always be living in fear that she'll do this again didn't seem like a good deal for me. After all, she said she made those decisions based on what was 'good for her'...

So I made a decision which was good for me... I want to be in a relationship where both sides try to make it work... I want to be in a relationship where I can express my love in any way that I want and have that person appreciate it... so, I said my goodbyes, and left.

I would think that this is the end of the story... next blog post would be about some new girl I met... well, things don't always work out that way for us 'knights'.

Late that night, she texted me from her 'new' number... finally gave me the number (that was one of the new rules... I guess would make it easier for her to take off again)... she said that she was sorry... it's just that she couldn't control her selfishness... and she will always cherish what we had.

I didn't reply.

Early the next morning (6am to be exact), I woke up to find another text from her at 5am... she says she misses me... I didn't want to leave her hanging, cause after all, I still care for her. So I replied that I missed her too... which wasn't a lie... I missed her like crazy...

I thought I was safe, but I was wrong... she was still awake... couldn't sleep... so I called her...

So we chatted a bit... small talk... and I asked her to go to breakfast with me... it's amazing how excited she was... the excitement was short lived when i gave her some stuff that she had accidently left at my place...

So we talked a bit... and she was still hoping I would take her back... but her ego kept her from just coming back to me without any strings attached (ie the rules)...

I sent her to her car afterwards. I didn't like to see her so sad... even people who don't suffer from White Knight Syndrome are not that mean...

While saying goodbye, she grabs me, kisses me, starts crying (she only got teary eyed the night before) and tells me yes... she wants to be with me... no strings attached...

Now how could I say no to that? It's not that I hate her or was angry at her... all I had for her was love...

She moved back in last night... and for once in over a week, we had a peaceful sleep... it was so peaceful that we were late for work this morning... didn't want to get out of bed...

I don't know how the future is going to turn out... I'm not looking at the past... I'm just interested in the present... appreciate what she does for me... and we'll take it from there...

Letting go...

I had an interesting weekend. It involved days of drinking, girls dancing on the bar, girls in bunny suits, and three girls who turned out to be sisters... all this in order to avoid going home to an empty house.

No wonder my friends say I'm much more fun when LOML is not around. At least the guys say that.

It's slowly working towards getting me over her. Every morning isn't as bad as the previous day... It's not much progress, but it's better than nothing...

So here I was, minding my own business, when she suddenly IMs me...

LOML : hey
Me : hi...
LOML : i m sorry
Me : ok... me too...

And that's it!!

Everytime I take two steps forward, she takes me one step back...

I still haven't decided what to do... do I just wait for her to say something else... or do i just crumble and go running to her...

The problem is, I don't know what she's thinking. She might just want to appologise in order to have closure... or she might have regretted her actions and wants to get back together...

I don't dare say anything sweet and nice or ask her out. I can't take another 'rejection'... basically, I no longer want to risk anything for this relationship anymore... I think...

So here we go again...

Again...

I’m upset… I’m depressed… I haven’t eaten much in the last few days. Three guesses what happened…

Well, I called up S yesterday and asked her the same question… she got it in one guess. “LOML?”… well, she didn’t actually say that. She knows LOML and actually said her name.

As usual, she wanted out of the relationship. I must hold the world record!

What was it this time? I don’t think the details are important. Basically, she feels it’s the noble thing to leave, so I can fully take care of my son, et al. Obviously, I had to take care of something and she did not feel that my decisions were in her best interest. She also feels that it’s wrong for her to feel that way. Since her feelings and her ethics are not in sync, the best thing for her to do was leave the relationship… wasn’t that obvious?

I tried to talk to her, as usual. This time it was two hours of waiting outside her office. I did the talking, as usual. She did say a few things though… ‘I don’t want to talk/see you’… ‘no’ and ‘leave me alone’… I told her that if she really wants me out of her life, she has to look into my eyes and tell me.

Obviously she can’t… she wouldn’t even try because she knew she would cry and the whole charade would be over. She still loves me… I can see it behind that so called ‘angry’ face.

After trying for a while, I kiss her on the head (she tried to move out of the way) and left. I didn’t say goodbye… I knew it would be too hard for me…

Again, I’ll try to get over her… In most cases, it will take a few days of ‘getting over her’ before I do the whole waiting outside her car/office/house bit. But this time I skipped to the end.

So here I am… back on the market… but emotionally unavailable…

I still love her… I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving her…

A friend once asked me if after all the shit I go through with her, can I really imagine a life with her… honestly, I don’t have a plan for the future that does not involve her at my side.

The only thing that I don’t want with her is kids... for a couple of reasons. One, I don’t really like the way she takes care of her son. I’m a bit picky with that. Probably because of the way I was brought up. The second reason is I don’t want to share her with anybody else, even our own child… sound familiar? Don’t you think we are meant to be together? :P

I tried to be mad at her… it would make things easy to get over her… she tried to make me angry by not talking to me… she knows it drives me nuts… but who am I kidding… I’m not mad at her at all… I just want to hold her in my arms and tell her that we will be able to get through this issue, just like all the previous ‘issues’…

Will I try again… I don’t know… maybe not… but then again, who knows what next week has in store for me…

Happy Chinese New Year!

I would like to wish the Chinese readers of this blog a Happy Chinese New Year!!

I need a vacation...

It has been about a year since I last had a vacation. I went to a beach resort with LOML. It was extremely relaxing... and I'm due for another trip.

I actually have four more days left of leave which I need to finish up before the end of first quarter... that's a lot, considering I am the type that just does not go on leave... I was supposed to finish it off last year, but since I was 'busy', my boss decided to give me a chance...

So here I am in a holiday mood... I was thinking of taking a few days off next month... preferably during the week with Valentine's day. So I asked 'you know who' if she can take a few days off... her answer... "february is my busy month"....

Damn...

Ok... nevermind... can postpone it to March... Now I wanted to go to another country... maybe go to Phuket in Thailand... or Bali in Indonesia... but LOML doesn't have a passport... she lost hers and she hasn't gotten around to replacing it. Now when you lose your passport, they will take a few months to verify that it hasn't been stolen, sold, or etc to 'bad people'... so that's not gonna happen soon.

Damn...

Maybe it's about time I go on a vacation, alone... that would be fun.. just chilling out at the beach... reading a novel while sipping on every tropical themed cocktail on the menu. But before I even plan such a thing, I thought of how LOML acts every time I'm out without her... she'll call/text me non stop... at 12:30 she'll ask me why I'm not going to sleep yet... and she'll go all nuts and definately ruin my whole time there.

Damn...

In the end, I'm probably gonna take a few days off... put sand on the balcony... get a cd of sounds of the ocean... mix a few drinks... get my novel... and use the power of imagination...

DAMN!!!

Happy Hug Day!!

Today is Hug Day! It started back in the 80's in the States. Now it has gone global. I think it has something to do with changing the world, one hug at a time.

I actually didn't know about it. I heard it this morning on the radio...

I could really use a hug right now. I've gone back into my depression cycle. But then again, if my boss were to come over and hug me, it would really freak me out.

I don't know what is it about a hug that makes you feel good inside... maybe it's because people put up walls when dealing with others... especially nowadays where everything can result in a charge of sexual harrasement. And when you get a hug, it feels like all those walls have been broken down... and you can fully appreciate the relationship.

But I don't mind receiving a hug... I don't go around hugging people because I don't want to be charged with sexual harrasment. Sad huh... what the world has become.

Amazingly, I work for a company where everybody hugs... heck the country GM signs of her emails (the informal ones anyway) with 'Hugs'... I fit in well into the culture, but not everybody can accept it. I've heard the new guys say that there's too much hugging in the company. I guess the way they were brought up, it's not something that is considered acceptable.

But those are only a few people...

Anyway, the 'hugging' culture in the company is part of why everybody in the company is so extremely friendly and helpful... I can call up anybody in the organisation and ask for help, and not only will they try their best, but they will talk to you like you have known each other for years... even though that is the first time you've ever spoken to each other.

I think every company should be like that. In fact everybody should be like that... world would be a better place... one hug at a time...

Give Peace a Chance...

I had a 'Vanilla Coke' during lunch. I felt like drinking it. So I bought it. But yet when I was drinking it, I felt guilty. Why?

Well, people all around the world have called for the boycott of products and services from American companies. The reason behind is, no matter where in the world these companies are, they will send some of their profits back to the States, and the parent company will be taxed on this income. The money is then used to fund/aid Israel, and Israel is killing women and children in Gaza.

Now I don't agree with Israel's way of 'protecting itself'... I believe that collateral damage is unacceptable. So don't missunderstand me...

But what about American products and services. You see, I've got a bigger dilemma... I work for an American company!! If the boycott goes on to include services provided by the company I work for, all of us who are against this war in the middle east, will be out of a job!!

There are so many companies worldwide which have ties to the US, either directly or indirectly. Here's a simple example. Everybody in a particular country stops buying, let's say a radio which is made by an American company. The dealer then has to slash jobs because sales have dropped. The country office for that company has to close because there are no more sales. The factory, let's say in Thailand has to close because there is no demand. The suppliers then have no customer, so they have to close their Thailand office. Then, their factories, which are probably in China, Taiwan, etc, have to close because there is no demand. Then their supppliers have to close... this just goes on and on until you get to the raw material suppliers.

How many people have to lose their jobs in order for the world leaders to finally get the point and just stop fighting?

It's a never ending story... for as long as man has existed, they have waged wars. The reason has always been they want more! They want more land... they want more oil... they want more water... they want more power.

Why? Because more and more people are born into the world every day! We require more resources.

You have to wonder why once a while a civilisation gets wiped out. Floods, famine, plague... I think it's nature's way of keeping us humans in check...

This has got to be one of my most depressing posts...

Parental Instincts

I could sleep through a war... In fact, when I was a kid, my dad was out of town on business and somebody tried to break into the house. My mom heard sounds from the back door downstairs... so she couldn't really see and didn't want to go downstairs... so she calls the neighbour, who wakes up her sons... who went to have a look... they saw somebody... they yelled at him... my mom calls the cops... the cops come... they ended up chasing the thief all over the lawn...

Now all this wakes up the whole neighbourhood... except for me... I didn't know anything was wrong until the next morning when my mom told me.

Now fast forward to the last few days while my son was in the hospital. I would be fast asleep beside him... but everytime the nurse came near him (to check his temperature) I would immediately wake up... and it's not when you have no idea where you are and everything... i was totally alert and knew what was going on.

When I think about it, it was like this the last time he was in the hospital (which was when he was still a newborn... jaundice)... everytime a stranger approaches my son, I would wake up automatically... and these nurses are very quiet in order not to disturb the tired parents.

Now, if let's say he was to wake up on his own, or my wife were to take him, I wouldn't realise anything... this happens all the time.

I call it Parental Instincts... it's the ability for a parent to subconsciously monitor their child's safety, even when they are fast asleep. I guess it appears right after the child is born... I guess I've had it since he was less than a week old...

I don't have a moral to this story... just wanted to share it with you guys...

Damned Rotavirus

I'm sitting at Starbucks... in the lobby of a hospital... obviously Starbucks has nothing to do about this story. Thought I'd just add it to spice things up...

What the heck am I talking about!? See, this is what happens when you don't get enough sleep... you can't keep.... huh... what was I talking about?

Anyway, my son has a Rotavirus infection. It causes severe diarheoeoa (blogspot doesn't have a spell check and I'm too lazy to check it myself. The important thing is you guys know what I'm talking about). Anyway, I brought him in a few days ago because I was worried that he would get dehydrated.

The rotavirus is actually very common. 1 in 40 casses need to be hospitalised. I guess we won the lottery. It's not life threatening, unless you totally ignore the signs. Usually kids suffer from damage caused by dehydration. But thank god I'm paranoid. I sent him in after only a few hours of diarheohoiehoa... I should get an award... "Paranoid Father who Saves His Child's Life Award"...

My son got the virus from eating without washing his hands right after touching something (like a chair, table, door, etc) which was previously touched by a carrier who did not wash their hands after going to the toilet. Eeewwwww!!!!

Well, what's done is done... no use getting upset... just have to make sure he washes his hands... but he's really sneaky... you know how kids are...

The only good thing about this is my son is actually enjoying his time in the hospital... he keeps telling me he doesn't want to go home because it's boring at home... I'm guessing that he's enjoying his time because both his parents are with him instead of at work...

Makes you think that we have lost sight of what's important in life... we spend so much time working, trying to provide for our family, that the only way your family can get to spend time with you is to be hospitalised...

I know how he feels... I never got to spend much time with my dad... he was always busy working... but I had my mom. My son has the maid to play with... not much of a childhood, is it...

Marriage

Quite a few of my friends tell me that they do not want to get married. They may have different reasons. Some say it's because they don't want to be tied down. Some because they just can't find 'the one'... The people who say this is a mixture of men and women, of different races. I guess times are changing... people are starting to feel that they don't need to be married and have a family in order to be accepted by society.

One of those friends asked me what would be the worst that can happen if she didn't get married. My answer is quite simply, you die alone.

Some people might say, well you don't have to be married and yet have a life partner. Well, if you are living together, you have kids together, etc, then you're unoffically married. You're only missing that piece of paper that says you are husband and wife. So those people don't count.

When I say unmarried, I mean you are basically unattached.

And yes, you will die alone... so is it that bad?

I personally wouldn't want it. You may have enjoyed being single up to a point, but I need that whole 'relationship' setup. I enjoy having dependants and depending on others.

Nobody actually plans on being alone for their entire life. It just happens. So that's why I don't believe my friends who tell me they don't want to get married. It just hasn't happened yet. It most likely will.

Is there a moral to this blog post?

Well, here's my 2 cents worth...

Most people who come out and say they don't want to get married are just frustrated with society. Everybody asks them THAT DAMNED QUESTION. And they are just sick of it. It's not that they don't want to end up in a great, long lasting relationship. It's just that they haven't found the right person yet. They are pressured into finding somebody fast in order to conform with the norms of society.

Well, stop bugging them. If you have a person who's not married or even in a meaningful relationship, don't ask them when they are gonna get married. Don't set them up with anybody either. Just let nature takes it's course. After all, it's human nature to get together and procreate.