Again...

I’m upset… I’m depressed… I haven’t eaten much in the last few days. Three guesses what happened…

Well, I called up S yesterday and asked her the same question… she got it in one guess. “LOML?”… well, she didn’t actually say that. She knows LOML and actually said her name.

As usual, she wanted out of the relationship. I must hold the world record!

What was it this time? I don’t think the details are important. Basically, she feels it’s the noble thing to leave, so I can fully take care of my son, et al. Obviously, I had to take care of something and she did not feel that my decisions were in her best interest. She also feels that it’s wrong for her to feel that way. Since her feelings and her ethics are not in sync, the best thing for her to do was leave the relationship… wasn’t that obvious?

I tried to talk to her, as usual. This time it was two hours of waiting outside her office. I did the talking, as usual. She did say a few things though… ‘I don’t want to talk/see you’… ‘no’ and ‘leave me alone’… I told her that if she really wants me out of her life, she has to look into my eyes and tell me.

Obviously she can’t… she wouldn’t even try because she knew she would cry and the whole charade would be over. She still loves me… I can see it behind that so called ‘angry’ face.

After trying for a while, I kiss her on the head (she tried to move out of the way) and left. I didn’t say goodbye… I knew it would be too hard for me…

Again, I’ll try to get over her… In most cases, it will take a few days of ‘getting over her’ before I do the whole waiting outside her car/office/house bit. But this time I skipped to the end.

So here I am… back on the market… but emotionally unavailable…

I still love her… I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving her…

A friend once asked me if after all the shit I go through with her, can I really imagine a life with her… honestly, I don’t have a plan for the future that does not involve her at my side.

The only thing that I don’t want with her is kids... for a couple of reasons. One, I don’t really like the way she takes care of her son. I’m a bit picky with that. Probably because of the way I was brought up. The second reason is I don’t want to share her with anybody else, even our own child… sound familiar? Don’t you think we are meant to be together? :P

I tried to be mad at her… it would make things easy to get over her… she tried to make me angry by not talking to me… she knows it drives me nuts… but who am I kidding… I’m not mad at her at all… I just want to hold her in my arms and tell her that we will be able to get through this issue, just like all the previous ‘issues’…

Will I try again… I don’t know… maybe not… but then again, who knows what next week has in store for me…

Happy Chinese New Year!

I would like to wish the Chinese readers of this blog a Happy Chinese New Year!!

I need a vacation...

It has been about a year since I last had a vacation. I went to a beach resort with LOML. It was extremely relaxing... and I'm due for another trip.

I actually have four more days left of leave which I need to finish up before the end of first quarter... that's a lot, considering I am the type that just does not go on leave... I was supposed to finish it off last year, but since I was 'busy', my boss decided to give me a chance...

So here I am in a holiday mood... I was thinking of taking a few days off next month... preferably during the week with Valentine's day. So I asked 'you know who' if she can take a few days off... her answer... "february is my busy month"....

Damn...

Ok... nevermind... can postpone it to March... Now I wanted to go to another country... maybe go to Phuket in Thailand... or Bali in Indonesia... but LOML doesn't have a passport... she lost hers and she hasn't gotten around to replacing it. Now when you lose your passport, they will take a few months to verify that it hasn't been stolen, sold, or etc to 'bad people'... so that's not gonna happen soon.

Damn...

Maybe it's about time I go on a vacation, alone... that would be fun.. just chilling out at the beach... reading a novel while sipping on every tropical themed cocktail on the menu. But before I even plan such a thing, I thought of how LOML acts every time I'm out without her... she'll call/text me non stop... at 12:30 she'll ask me why I'm not going to sleep yet... and she'll go all nuts and definately ruin my whole time there.

Damn...

In the end, I'm probably gonna take a few days off... put sand on the balcony... get a cd of sounds of the ocean... mix a few drinks... get my novel... and use the power of imagination...

DAMN!!!

Happy Hug Day!!

Today is Hug Day! It started back in the 80's in the States. Now it has gone global. I think it has something to do with changing the world, one hug at a time.

I actually didn't know about it. I heard it this morning on the radio...

I could really use a hug right now. I've gone back into my depression cycle. But then again, if my boss were to come over and hug me, it would really freak me out.

I don't know what is it about a hug that makes you feel good inside... maybe it's because people put up walls when dealing with others... especially nowadays where everything can result in a charge of sexual harrasement. And when you get a hug, it feels like all those walls have been broken down... and you can fully appreciate the relationship.

But I don't mind receiving a hug... I don't go around hugging people because I don't want to be charged with sexual harrasment. Sad huh... what the world has become.

Amazingly, I work for a company where everybody hugs... heck the country GM signs of her emails (the informal ones anyway) with 'Hugs'... I fit in well into the culture, but not everybody can accept it. I've heard the new guys say that there's too much hugging in the company. I guess the way they were brought up, it's not something that is considered acceptable.

But those are only a few people...

Anyway, the 'hugging' culture in the company is part of why everybody in the company is so extremely friendly and helpful... I can call up anybody in the organisation and ask for help, and not only will they try their best, but they will talk to you like you have known each other for years... even though that is the first time you've ever spoken to each other.

I think every company should be like that. In fact everybody should be like that... world would be a better place... one hug at a time...

Give Peace a Chance...

I had a 'Vanilla Coke' during lunch. I felt like drinking it. So I bought it. But yet when I was drinking it, I felt guilty. Why?

Well, people all around the world have called for the boycott of products and services from American companies. The reason behind is, no matter where in the world these companies are, they will send some of their profits back to the States, and the parent company will be taxed on this income. The money is then used to fund/aid Israel, and Israel is killing women and children in Gaza.

Now I don't agree with Israel's way of 'protecting itself'... I believe that collateral damage is unacceptable. So don't missunderstand me...

But what about American products and services. You see, I've got a bigger dilemma... I work for an American company!! If the boycott goes on to include services provided by the company I work for, all of us who are against this war in the middle east, will be out of a job!!

There are so many companies worldwide which have ties to the US, either directly or indirectly. Here's a simple example. Everybody in a particular country stops buying, let's say a radio which is made by an American company. The dealer then has to slash jobs because sales have dropped. The country office for that company has to close because there are no more sales. The factory, let's say in Thailand has to close because there is no demand. The suppliers then have no customer, so they have to close their Thailand office. Then, their factories, which are probably in China, Taiwan, etc, have to close because there is no demand. Then their supppliers have to close... this just goes on and on until you get to the raw material suppliers.

How many people have to lose their jobs in order for the world leaders to finally get the point and just stop fighting?

It's a never ending story... for as long as man has existed, they have waged wars. The reason has always been they want more! They want more land... they want more oil... they want more water... they want more power.

Why? Because more and more people are born into the world every day! We require more resources.

You have to wonder why once a while a civilisation gets wiped out. Floods, famine, plague... I think it's nature's way of keeping us humans in check...

This has got to be one of my most depressing posts...

Parental Instincts

I could sleep through a war... In fact, when I was a kid, my dad was out of town on business and somebody tried to break into the house. My mom heard sounds from the back door downstairs... so she couldn't really see and didn't want to go downstairs... so she calls the neighbour, who wakes up her sons... who went to have a look... they saw somebody... they yelled at him... my mom calls the cops... the cops come... they ended up chasing the thief all over the lawn...

Now all this wakes up the whole neighbourhood... except for me... I didn't know anything was wrong until the next morning when my mom told me.

Now fast forward to the last few days while my son was in the hospital. I would be fast asleep beside him... but everytime the nurse came near him (to check his temperature) I would immediately wake up... and it's not when you have no idea where you are and everything... i was totally alert and knew what was going on.

When I think about it, it was like this the last time he was in the hospital (which was when he was still a newborn... jaundice)... everytime a stranger approaches my son, I would wake up automatically... and these nurses are very quiet in order not to disturb the tired parents.

Now, if let's say he was to wake up on his own, or my wife were to take him, I wouldn't realise anything... this happens all the time.

I call it Parental Instincts... it's the ability for a parent to subconsciously monitor their child's safety, even when they are fast asleep. I guess it appears right after the child is born... I guess I've had it since he was less than a week old...

I don't have a moral to this story... just wanted to share it with you guys...

Damned Rotavirus

I'm sitting at Starbucks... in the lobby of a hospital... obviously Starbucks has nothing to do about this story. Thought I'd just add it to spice things up...

What the heck am I talking about!? See, this is what happens when you don't get enough sleep... you can't keep.... huh... what was I talking about?

Anyway, my son has a Rotavirus infection. It causes severe diarheoeoa (blogspot doesn't have a spell check and I'm too lazy to check it myself. The important thing is you guys know what I'm talking about). Anyway, I brought him in a few days ago because I was worried that he would get dehydrated.

The rotavirus is actually very common. 1 in 40 casses need to be hospitalised. I guess we won the lottery. It's not life threatening, unless you totally ignore the signs. Usually kids suffer from damage caused by dehydration. But thank god I'm paranoid. I sent him in after only a few hours of diarheohoiehoa... I should get an award... "Paranoid Father who Saves His Child's Life Award"...

My son got the virus from eating without washing his hands right after touching something (like a chair, table, door, etc) which was previously touched by a carrier who did not wash their hands after going to the toilet. Eeewwwww!!!!

Well, what's done is done... no use getting upset... just have to make sure he washes his hands... but he's really sneaky... you know how kids are...

The only good thing about this is my son is actually enjoying his time in the hospital... he keeps telling me he doesn't want to go home because it's boring at home... I'm guessing that he's enjoying his time because both his parents are with him instead of at work...

Makes you think that we have lost sight of what's important in life... we spend so much time working, trying to provide for our family, that the only way your family can get to spend time with you is to be hospitalised...

I know how he feels... I never got to spend much time with my dad... he was always busy working... but I had my mom. My son has the maid to play with... not much of a childhood, is it...

Marriage

Quite a few of my friends tell me that they do not want to get married. They may have different reasons. Some say it's because they don't want to be tied down. Some because they just can't find 'the one'... The people who say this is a mixture of men and women, of different races. I guess times are changing... people are starting to feel that they don't need to be married and have a family in order to be accepted by society.

One of those friends asked me what would be the worst that can happen if she didn't get married. My answer is quite simply, you die alone.

Some people might say, well you don't have to be married and yet have a life partner. Well, if you are living together, you have kids together, etc, then you're unoffically married. You're only missing that piece of paper that says you are husband and wife. So those people don't count.

When I say unmarried, I mean you are basically unattached.

And yes, you will die alone... so is it that bad?

I personally wouldn't want it. You may have enjoyed being single up to a point, but I need that whole 'relationship' setup. I enjoy having dependants and depending on others.

Nobody actually plans on being alone for their entire life. It just happens. So that's why I don't believe my friends who tell me they don't want to get married. It just hasn't happened yet. It most likely will.

Is there a moral to this blog post?

Well, here's my 2 cents worth...

Most people who come out and say they don't want to get married are just frustrated with society. Everybody asks them THAT DAMNED QUESTION. And they are just sick of it. It's not that they don't want to end up in a great, long lasting relationship. It's just that they haven't found the right person yet. They are pressured into finding somebody fast in order to conform with the norms of society.

Well, stop bugging them. If you have a person who's not married or even in a meaningful relationship, don't ask them when they are gonna get married. Don't set them up with anybody either. Just let nature takes it's course. After all, it's human nature to get together and procreate.