Look Mom, I'm a Rock Star!

Guess where I was just now?

No, I was not at my mom's place... I was in a jamming studio! I am the front man for a band made up of a bunch of my friends here... we don't have a name yet because there are other concerns...

First of all, the incredibly good looking and talented front man hasn't been in a studio since 1998. Secondly, the drummer hasn't played in ten years... third, well, we suck! Or to put it in a nicer way, we haven't found our sound yet.

The drummer suggested that we find a replacement for him, cause he was really bad... We told him that it wasn't about being so good that we could cut an album... it's about a bunch of friends chilling out together and having fun.

Well, even though we sucked throughout the whole our time in the studio, we still had fun... and we're gonna go again next week... it's a great way to relieve stress... and trust me, I'm really stressed out...

To tell you the truth, I've always wanted to be in a band... I love to sing... I have been told that I have a great voice... only problem is I don't know how to use it... at least that was what a vocal coach once told me... having given that comment, he refused to coach me... according to him, he only coaches women... err... okay...

It has been said that those who go into the performing arts have an exterior locus of self identity... well, that's kinda true about me... people's opinion of how good I am matters a lot to me... it's not enough for me to know that I've done a good job...

Weird thing is, when I purposely do something bad, I couldn't care less what people think... hmmm... maybe I also enjoy being the 'bad boy'... but as always, that's a different story...

Come to think of it, I have never given up the opportunity to be in the spotlight... whether it's to do a presentation at work, teaching in front of a class, or getting up on stage... there's something very fulfilling about having 5000 people clap and cheer for you (been there, done that!)

I wasn't always this way... I used to be extremely shy... in fact you can see the remnants of that character in me until now... whenever I'm with a new group of people, I am always very quite... I am definitely not the life of the party (unless of course the party is full of people I already know)... I spend the whole time observing everybody's character... I won't speak unless spoken to...

It all changed in the 9th grade... I had to pick my courses for the year, and for some weird reason, one of the classes I took was Drama. So there I was in the studio, with a script in my hand... and I had to act it out! OMG!! I was still very shy, but I guess because I didn't want everybody to say I can't act, I got on stage and well, acted... I was pretty good at it... but that's when everything changed...

I was no longer the quiet one in the class... I asked questions, I participated in discussions, and most importantly, I couldn't get enough of the stage...

Not being shy anymore has really helped me achieve the current level of success that I have now in my life and career... I stand out more in a classroom, a boardroom, and in the bedroom! (Your partner can't read your mind... if you want to try the position on page 23 of the Kama Sutra, you have to tell them... don't be shy!)

In my working life, I often come across shy colleagues who make a huge impact to the company, but nobody knows because they don't say a thing... Sometimes they have great ideas, but won't tell anybody about it... during meetings, the boss will ask everybody if they have anything to add... they'll obviously say no, even though they've got ideas that would make a gazilion dollars in profit for the company... In the end, they finish the rat race in last place...

I feel sorry for them... I knew how it felt to be 'stuck' inside your shell... but seriously, they have to make the first move to change... I'm not saying they should all go out and start a band, but saying "Yes, I have an idea" would be good.

Self Motivation

Yesterday night I slept at 4:30am... how I wish it was because I was out partying. Unfortunately, I have a hard time going to sleep. I actually have some herbal medication (we don't want to pollute our bodies with pharmaceuticals, do we?) that I take when I have problems sleeping. Unfortunately, I left it at home... when I say home, I mean my real one... not this temporary 'place' that I'm staying at now.

I have problems sleeping for a variety of reasons... most common is if I have something on my mind... last night, it was the fight I had with LOML (surprise, surprise)...

So there I was, tossing and turning... full of hate... self pity... and whatever else came to mind... I thought to myself, 'I'm gonna be really tired tomorrow... I'm going to be angry... I'm not going to work...' By not going to work, I mean that I'll work from home, so I can just lie in bed with the laptop and pretend to be interested in the work flashing before my eyes...

When the alarm went off this morning, I tried to go back to sleep... thinking that there's no point in waking up since I'm in no mood to drag my ass to the office... but something weird happened... I couldn't go back to sleep...

Instead of the lazy voice inside my head saying 'the hell with it... just go back to sleep and continue that dream you were having of LOML and your muse' (no, it was not a kinky dream), there was another upbeat voice in my head...

In fact, from the way the voice, I imagined there was a guy in my head in workout clothes jumping up and down, telling me to wake up.

The voice told me "don't think you'll feel better if you just mope around the house... you'll feel even worse"... the guy in my head went on and on until I finally opened my eyes... and I felt different...

I wasn't going to mope around the house today... I was going to go out and enjoy life... I have things to do... people to meet... meals to eat... cigarettes to smoke... jokes to laugh at... girls to flirt with...

And at that very same moment, I thought of my relationship with LOML... of how things have really been crappy lately because I have been caught up with the bad things she's been doing to me... of how I no longer enjoyed the good things she does, even though they are right there in front of me...

I had become a bitter person in the relationship... hoping for her to change instead of enjoying the love she has also given me...

Yes, she does really bad things to me... if you've read this blog from the beginning, you would know how much of a bitch she is... but I could have enjoyed my life with her and just slowly point out the bad things...

It was my Archimedes "eureka" moment... my Homer Simpson "d'oh" moment... my Pitbull "I know you want me... you know I want cha" moment...

I knew what I wanted now... and I had to thank that voice inside my head for it... I wonder if he does motivational talks... I could make a killing...

The voice didn't stop there... because only two minutes had passed and although my eyes were open, I was still holding on to my pillow and wouldn't let go...

You see there were other things bugging me... I had a tonne of work at the office... and the deadline was coming faster than a virgin on his wedding night (sorry, couldn't think of a better analogy... and yes, I know that's not how you spell it).

So the voice (let's give him a name... Mr. Voice... H Prime... err...I like the first one. I hope Rick Dees doesn't mind)... anyway, Mr. Voice starts spewing out motivational quotes... the first being "No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up" - Regina Brett.

So off I went into the shower... Mr. Voice continues to talk while I'm in the shower (which starts to freak me out now because I suddenly feel like there's a guy watching me taking a shower)... he says "Live each day as if it was on purpose"... now I can't remember who said it... it was either Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs or Donald Trump. My memory isn't what it used to be.

So yes, I was ready to take on the challenge of today because I was expecting it... Monday didn't creep up on me... I was waiting for it, ready to give it my best, and then some...

So I left the house with a plan on what I wanted (not had to) do... Mr. Voice had empowered me to take my life into my own hands...

I started by talking to LOML... I told her what I wanted to do... that she was an insensitive jerk but I'm going to take the good parts and we'll work on her 'jerkness'... I asked if she wanted to be part of it... of course she said yes... I was talking like Mr. Voice... who wouldn't be motivated...

Then came the work... I got reorganized and settled quite a lot today... I still have a tonne to do after this, but at least I can see the progress.

Throughout the day, I made sure I had the whole work life balance... chatted online with LOML, my muse, a few friends (even motivated one of my friends... she's slightly suicidal, but that's a different story)... I had a few puffs with my smoking buddies, talking about the band we're gonna form (again, a different story)... went out to lunch with another friend, and helped him change a flat tire (ok, I noticed the flat tire, and the was a service center just a couple of minutes away... so we just drove there... just to get the record straight, I was ready to change the tire ourselves... but my friend wasn't as motivated as I was)...

Where was I? Oh yeah... so I finished my day with a sense of accomplishment... and not a false sense either... and because I was in a better mood today, I was able to string together the ideas for this post together in my head... my mind is a well oiled machine again...

So what can you, my dear readers, gain from this blog post... let's summarize it, shall we...

Mr. Voice is me (no shit, Sherlock!)... it's the 'me' that's dying to get out... It's the 'me' that has listened to many motivational speakers or read their work... He's been wanting that change for so long...

All of us, at one time or another, has been motivated by somebody else... but that lasts until when you face your first obstacle... the reason is very simple... you're holding yourself back... you are the one that would not let yourself achieve your goals/happiness. You then blame it on your environment, such as your boss, partner, government, genetics, even lady luck...

The first step is to motivate yourself... you can pay 1000 dollars for a motivational seminar, but if you're not gonna motivate yourself, might as well go on a shopping spree with that money...

It may sound easy... after all, Mr. Voice woke me up... but it's really not... I sometimes struggle and push myself out the door... I have to re-motivate myself at least 2-3 times a week to go to the gym... 5 times a week to go to work... 14 times a week to call LOML and be nice... heck, 3 times a day to eat (I really don't like to eat, but that my friends is, let's say it together, 'a different story')...

If it's so difficult, then how does any of us have a chance? Well, just imagine our goals... set our targets... and do it... you won't know until you've tried...

Painkillers

Most of us are 'blessed' with a partner who has the emotional support capability of a gnat... they are never around when we need them, they claim to be the busiest person on earth, they answer 'huh... oh, yeah... i love... hmmm?... you too...' and 'yeah, yeah... i miss u too...'

This causes emotional pain for some of us who are very sensitive... so we go out and get some painkillers... it could be in the form of a friend, alcohol (not recommended... booze and loneliness does not mix well)... or in some cases, a 'replacement'... which is our topic for today...

You see, these painkillers are easy to maintain. You don't need a relationship with them... you just want them to fill the gaps in your current relationship. You could be just friends but you can 'pretend' they are something else in your mind...

An example would be like this... something interesting happened to you... you can't wait to share it with your partner... you call your partner up and they say they are too busy to talk/listen to you... when all you needed was 2 minutes of their undivided attention... this obviously will cause you some 'pain'... so immediately call your 'painkiller'... to them, it's just a friend calling so they will actually listen (why is that?)... so you tell your painkiller your two minute story... and end the conversation feeling much better...

It's sort of a surrogate partner...

But just as real painkillers, they have to be taken in moderation... you don't want to be addicted to your painkiller... that would lead to cheating... and you don't want to do that, do you? Right?

Of course you could always use the excuse that your partner pushed you into cheating on him/her, but that's really not nice...

What am I teaching you guys?